Vacuum Leaks for Dummy Mechanics

Possible vacuum leak site

Those of you who used to be so-called shadetree mechanics know well that a normal human being (lacking triple-jointed arms, that is) can no longer work on their own cars – unless, of course, the vehicle in question predates the Clean Air Act and emission controls. Still, what's underneath all those hoses, valves, sensors and such – the internal combustion engine – actually hasn't changed in principle in the past hundred years plus. It should be not surprise, then, that people have questions about their cars, and that freelancers are out there to give them "the answers." Well, sort of, as is ably demonstrated by eHow.com's Steven Symes in a post titled "The Ford Taurus Vacuum Leak Symptoms" at ItStillRuns.com.

You can tell Symes was unprepared to address this query from his opening paragraph:

"Normally a Ford Taurus runs smoothly, but a vacuum leak can cause problems with the operation of the engine. A vacuum leak is any opening in the engine block [emphasis ours] that allows air to come into the engine. The introduction of an uncontrolled source of air will cause several symptoms to manifest in a Taurus."

An opening in the BLOCK? Is he kidding? any opening in the engine block that wasn't in the original casting isn't a vacuum leak, it's a cause for junking the engine! He (obviously) meant "an opening somewhere in the vacuum system, most likely the intake manifold." But Steven is unfamiliar with engine basics, so he thinks that's all part of "the engine block." Dumbass.  Symes (obviously) copied a list of common symptoms of vacuum leaks - weak acceleration, rough idle, fast idle – from somewhere such as this site, which has always been a tried-and-true eHow practice for unprepared freelancers. Perhaps he learned that technique while getting his English BA at BYU. Of course, he did miss other symptoms, such as a hissing noise in the engine compartment and -- of course -- a lit Check Engine Light on the instrument panel. Duh.

It's a safe bet that Symes or someone else in eHow's vast stable of contributors has also addressed vacuum leaks in the Ford Ranger, F150, Thunderbird, Escort, Focus, Edge, Explorer, Excursion, Expedition, Flex, Fiesta... not to mention every other known make and model of gasoline-powered vehicle. Forgive the Antisocial Network our cynicism if we assume that most of the rest are just as badly written: the whole damned site deserves a Dumbass of the Day award.

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