Window Frames for Dummy Carpenters

anatomy of a window

At the Antisocial Network, we're often dismayed that anyone would ask a total amateur for advice about anything: cars, appliances, science, you name it. After all, you probably wouldn't ask your dentist for advice on engine repair, or pay a bicycle mechanic to perform your next rectal exam. We mean, what would he use for lube? Some of the worst advice our staff has found on the internet was posted by people pretending to be accomplished in the skilled trades, especially in home repair. That's exactly what we've found for today: eHow.com's Kevin McDermott, pretending he knows windows from holes in the ground in "How to Make Wood Framed Windows."¹

In reality, that's not a question for your average DIYer, if only windows are surprisingly complicated. With some effort, our staff carpenter could cobble together a fixed window for a shed or a kid's tree house, or even a wood-framed storm window (he's actually done that); but something that opens? something for a house? No, that would definitely entail a trip to the hardware store or lumber yard... unless you practice the same brand of dumbassery as Kevin. You see, Mr. McDermott cobbled together a set of instructions to make what he thought was a window frame. It sure looks like a frame (of the picture variety), after all. 

According to Kevin, you take four 1-by-4s, miter the corners, and nail them up around the window. Oh, sure, he makes it "real" by telling his readers to "Run your sandpaper around the edges of the frame to dull the sharp corners..." and to "Run a caulk line all along the outside and inside of the square, and along the mitered lines..." He even has some sterling advice for installing the "frame": "Hold your top piece to the top of the window, at your line, and nail it in, putting trim nails every six inches or so. You should hit wood inside the wall all around from the in-wall framing of the window. Nail the other pieces up in the same fashion, butting the mitered corners against each other." Yeah, sure. That's how you make a window frame, except for the following problems: That's not the window frame, that's the window casing! Just what the holy hell do you do about the exterior siding?

No, McDermott definitely has this one wrong: a window frame is the part of the window that holds the glass -- not the molding nailed up around it! Depending on the type of window, the frame can be fairly complex or very complex -- just look up terms like parting stop, muntin, stile, rail, double-hung, sash, mullion... It sure as hell isn't so simple that you can craft one out of 1-by-4s and a miter saw.

The only person more moronic than Kevin might be some idiot who thinks this is good advice. It's definitely not, though: it's exactly the kind of stupidity that wins someone one of our Dumbass of the Day awards.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was    ehow.com/how_5202075_make-wood-framed-windows.html

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