Take a Dump, Dummy!

Group photo of Seekyt staff, perhaps?

After Google slapped 'em upside the head with the digital can of whupass known as the Panda Update, many of the lamer content farms – Lunch, Helium, AssociatedContent, etc. – quietly faded into the good night known as the Internet Archive. The staff of the Antisocial Network are dedicated fans of their Wayback Machine, in case you didn't know (they even donate during the annual fund drive). A few escaped the carnage (eHow) and one or two still function today (Suite,¹ InfoBarrel²) at a greatly reduced level of activity. Seekyt's one of the latter, but something odd seems to be going on at that site: apparently, they're rewriting the site's more... worthless content, apparently in an attempt to get back on the board. We ran across some truly shitty content there last year, but recently found an updated (though still worthless) version. Originally titled "How to get free motions? Some advice for staying fit and healthy" by Rakhi143, Seekyt's crack staff have rewritten the article and added new title: "How to Have Regular Bowel Movements and Relax."

That's not to say that it isn't still hilariously stupid. Take, for instance: the Seekyt clown who reworded this dross explains that

"A great bowel movement can take away your stress and help you relax with out that full or stuffed up feeling..."

Oh, yeah, baby, that's what we're talkin' 'bout. Of course, while Rakhi wanted us to know that not having free motion could result in "acne, gastro-entrities [sic] and other" problems, the new version explains that "Constipation can interfere with the body’s ability to absorb vital nutrients causing other health conditions and a weakened immune system."  Of course, what would an article on health be without some useless suggestions? It looks as though the drone who rewrote this crap for Seekyt just cleaned up Rakhi's tortured syntax without doing any research. Where the original said

"Immediately after waking up early in the morning drink at least 1-2 litres of water..."

the rewrite has been changed to Imperial units (a US journalism major, we suspect):

"Immediately after waking up early in the morning drink at least 4 cups of water..."

The newbie but didn't even bother to reword most of the rest of the original, concentrating only on the top few paragraphs (must have something to do with Seekyt's concept of SEO). That's why they left in rubbish like:

"Drinking water always in the rest of the day is somewhat difficult. Hence you can substitute it for alternatives like water melon and others. These contain water as the major portion. You can also take fresh fruit juices."

Damn, drone: you couldn't be troubled to reword that so it makes some sort of sense? And you got paid, anyway: talk about a worthless pile of excrement! Well, here's more payment for you: your new Dumbass of the Day award!

¹ Well, not Suite any more...
² ...and as of 2020, not InfoBarrel, either. No, wait: InfoBarrel is still there, just not active. No, wait, now Infobarel has deleted all its schlock content. Sigh.

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DD - HEALTH