Hang Your Cabinets, Dummies!

Installing cabinets

As often said by teachers and the like, there are no stupid questions; though a teacher is unlikely to say (out loud at least) that there are only stupid people. Although the implication is that the person asking the question is the stupid one, we here at the Antisocial Network quite frequently find that the person answering said question is equally stupid. This is most common among freelancers who are so desperate for a few bucks that they'll say anything. You know, the people who ply their trade at content farms like eHow and Hubpages? People like Neal Litherland of eHow.com? Well, you'll know who's the stupid participant in this exchange after you read Neal's "answer" to the question, "What Screws Do I Use to Install Cabinets?"¹

Litherland's lack of familiarity with installing cabinets is readily apparent, even in the first paragraph (the introduction mandated by Demand Media). According to Neal,

"Cabinets are an extremely useful addition to any storage space, whether it's in a garage workshop or above the counters in the kitchen. When installing cabinets you should use screws to anchor them, but precisely which screws you should use when varies depending on how you're installing the cabinets and into what material."

Besides beginning with that demonstrably stupid "useful" assertion, this paragraph immediately heads in the wrong direction. The simple answer to "what screws" could be found very easily: the very first google listing for that question, an article by Popular Mechanics (a far more trustworthy site than eHow, IOHO), says "Home centers, lumberyards, and online woodworking supply houses (rockler.com, for example) sell a specialized screw that's ideally suited for fastening kitchen cabinets to the wall. It goes by different names: cabinet screw [emphasis ours], washer-head screw, washer-head cabinet screw, or button-head screw." Yes, Neal, there is such a thing as a cabinet screw: they have a broader than usual head (hence "washer-head") to add holding power, and are also quite long. PM recommends a 3½" length, which would put at least 2" in each stud even if there's a frame rail. This is as opposed to Litherland's phony advice,

"...use wood screws, 3 inches for the studs and 2.5 inches for the wood blocking if you're using that instead..."

Hell, we don't even know what he means when he talks about "blocking" -- a rail on the wall, perhaps? Neal also blathers a bit about mounting cabinets on concrete, once again munging up the answer:

"...you're going to need concrete screws, preferably of the self-tapping variety. Make sure that you have your pilot holes drilled, and use 3-inch screws in the concrete to hold your cabinets tight..." We don't know about others, but our preference would be to use an anchors instead of a self-tapping concrete screw: they hold much better. That's not to mention good luck finding 3-inch or longer concrete screws, much less driving them! Last, but certainly not least, people who've actually installed cabinets (as opposed to Litherland) know that the cabinets need to be screwed together at the front to keep them aligned and prevent gaps between the different boxes. Although Neal doesn't even mention this task, the cabinet installer who knows what he or she is doing uses trim-head screws...

There you have it: an incomplete and arguably incorrect answer to a reasonable question. Is this a stupid question? Heck no. Was the person who asked it stupid? No to that, too. But the answer, now? that was utter bullshit, and that's why we hand out Dumbass of the Day awards to people like Neal Litherland!

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was    ehow.com/info_8018381_screws-do-use-install-cabinets.html

copyright © 2016-2022 scmrak

SE - CABINETS