Installing a Doorbell for Dummies

Ringing a doorbell

About five years ago, Google (the people who operate the most popular search engine in the western world) decided that certain websites with "questionable" content were getting way more hits than the quality of their products seemed to warrant. They did so through "search-engine optimization," and some of them were pretty good at it. In hopes of improving their customers' results, Google rejiggered their search search algorithm to push content farm content down the page. Why they thought that social media content was "better" remains a mystery, but their plan worked: Helium, AssociatedContent, Suite101, Lunch and others bit the dust. The biggest offender, eHow.com, remains, however. If you ever wondered what was so objectionable about eHow content, all you need do is look at some of the crap they published. Our list continues to get longer, since Demand Media's farm complex is such a target-rich environment. Today's target? Contributor Michelle Raphael, who pretended to know "How to Install a Door Buzzer"; even though she didn't.

According to Michelle, you only need one pieces-parts for your new doorbell: a "Door buzzer assembly with built-in transformer." Tool-wise, you'll need a power drill and a screwdriver (and a pencil). No big deal -- this should take just a couple of minutes. Raphael now begins her instructions, which boil down to

Pick where you want the buzzer (with built-in transformer) located and mount it on the wall. Pick where you want to put the doorbell switch and attach it to the wall. Connect the wires to the buzzer. Connect the wires to the switch. There you go: easy-peezy, lemon-squeezy, right? Wrong: this dumbass must think that the wires grow by themselves. Let us tell you: except for new construction, wiring a doorbell is damned near impossible, which is why most homeowners opt for a wireless doorbell when the one originally installed dies. If you do get stuck fishing low-voltage wiring to the front door and the room where the buzzer's installed, Raphael's claim that

"The task takes just an hour or two and is a simple process..."

quickly reveals itself as utter bull.

That's not to mention that her instructions are ambiguous -- she keeps calling both the the doorbell switch and the sounding unit the "buzzer" -- and she somehow manages to inflate the typical 2-strand low-voltage wire (she never mentions it's low-voltage, by the way) into three strands:

"...Connect the wire from the door switch [one] to the terminal screw of the power source or transformer, then connect the other wire of the door switch [two] to the chime unit. Now connect the wire from the door switch [three] to the other terminal screw of the transformer..."

Oh, yeah: and she says nothing about running household power to the transformer. What a dumbass. Even worse than dumb: this woman's bushwa could be dangerous.

How-to articles written by someone who's never performed the task? That's the hallmark of eHow, and it's one of the reasons that Google decided to downgrade the likes of this garbage in their search results. It's also the reason why eHow contributors like Michelle Raphael win multiple Dumbass of the Day awards (this one's her third) from the Antisocial Network. You're welcome, netizens.

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DDIY - WIRING