Network Connections for Dummies

Network connection problems

Ever had problems with your internet service? Ever wondered just why, when you call a customer support line (Ptui!), the interminable message that greets you suggests that you visit support on the web? Yeah, we've wondered, too: you're calling on a phone because you can't contact them via the web! Well, it appears that one of the folks who wrote that script (and, we suspect, provides customer support from someplace like the Seychelles, the Philippines, or central India) is here to help you with the post someone claiming to be Arthurart on HubPages.com called "Tips On How To Fix The Network Connection."¹ We won't say "Arthur" wrote it, because it's painfully obvious (much as in his travel articles) that he found an article somewhere and ran it through a content spinner; maybe even found two and combined them. In other words, "Yuck."

Arthur's command of idiomatic English is suspect from paragraph one, where he says

"Connection problems may be related to the service provided by the ISP that we hired. However, even if the ADSLis [sic] working properly and our home phone wiring is in order, there are a number of aspects that we take into account to make a diagnosis of the problem and to thus put a solution."

Well, if that's what he wants to say, then so be it... but does this mean that his suggestions won't be useful for a cable modem? for a satellite connection? Who knows, though in reality they aren't all that helpful for a DSL hookup, either. Let's see what Art² has to say. First, he suggests pinging a website:

"If Internet does not work and the router is in another room or their drivers seem to indicate that the service is active, to ping one of the servers online is a quick and effective way to make a diagnosis. With it, you'll see if the connection does not work at all or why you can not access the Internet. "

We aren't sure WTF "the router is in another room or their drivers seem to indicate that the service is active" is intended to mean, but we are pretty sure that pinging a website won't tell you why you can't get online. We know how to ping, though, and double-Art's suggestion is actually useful -- though we doubt it necessary to tell his readers that the ping utility

"...[sends] ICMP request messages embedded in IP data packets that include an ID number and a series of digits 32 bits. After sending a response from the server, which will also include a sequence of 32 bits, must match that of the packet sent will await." Technoboob readers don't need to know that and tech-savvy users are just left scratching their heads. Other useless information, probably improperly spun, includes such babble as "Keep in mind that too much microfilter connected to your home network may cause contingencies..." and "...locate the network termination point or PTR, which is the small box that defines the outer wall where it ends and where yours begins. It is a direct connection you can connect toyour router. Thus, you can perform tests along which the wiring in your home and other devices that feed your installation."

We think he meant "NTP" or perhaps "NIB" (network interface box) but who the hell knows with this guy?

By that point – there's lots and lots still to go, but reading this bullshit was giving our screener a migraine – we realized that Arthur had simply spun the online help documents from his ISP or perhaps from a website that knew its networking ass from a hole in the ground. It's pretty clear Art doesn't, however, so we quit reading and dusted off another Dumbass of the Day award to give this schmuck. What amazes us is that HubPages prides itself on keeping bullshit like this out of sight of the public, yet 17 of the 18 "hubs" written by this dumbass are available for your perusal. Duh.

¹ The original is now invisible at HubPages.com, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   http://hubpages.com/education/Tips-On-How-To-Fix-The-Network-Connection

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