How to Square a Slab for Dummies

staking out a foundation or slab

You might be surprised at how valuable a little education is to a "manual laborer" sometimes. Take, for instance, the old 3-4-5 right triangle trick, widely used by carpenters and other workers who have no earthly idea who that guy Pythagoras was. Apparently "entrepreneur and software developer" L. P. Klages (freelancer for eHow.com) knows about the Pythagorean Theorem from school, but he clearly doesn't know much about building or "How to Square Forms for a Concrete Slab," for that matter (as you can see at HomeSteady.com).

Klages opens with the assumption that the OQ wants to pour a cement patio which, we suppose, is a reasonable assumption; although his method should be applicable to any rectangular shape. Whatever, here's how he depicts the process:

"...setting your forms properly... means making sure they are not only the right length but also the correct angles. Often the corners of a patio should be 90 degrees, or perfectly square. With a few straight-forward [sic] measurements and a little math, you can make your corners square every time."

We aren't sure how "slab" managed to morph to patio, but OK: we'll let L. P. get away with it this time. We're a little less forgiving about his "Often the corners of a patio should be... perfectly square" business, since (curves and irregular shapes excepted) the corners should always be perfectly square. We'll also allow that his methodology for using a 3-4-5 right triangle is a tried-and-true method of laying out a large rectangular plot, though we aren't really certain where bushwa like "If your patio is not big enough to measure 3 or 4 feet, use 1.5 and 2 feet, with a diagonal of 2.5 feet..."

...would apply, even to the smallest "patio." But even that crapola pales alongside what Klages says about actually squaring your forms:

1. Measure one side of your form...
2. Measure the opposing side of the same corner... [note: whatever the heck "opposing side of the same corner" means!]
3. Measure the diagonal distance between the two marks. If the distance is [not] exactly 5 feet... move the forms farther or closer, until the diagonal measurement is exactly 5 feet.

No, dumbass, you don't measure the forms: you stake the corners and string line between batter boards to set up your corners. Then you build the forms;  which, regardless of what this idiot seems to think, don't generally arrive at the site of a patio premade! Good Lord!

Yup, you saw it here: an entrepreneur too stupid to look up how to make forms for a slab. With that sort of dumbassery under his belt, is it any wonder Klages is here again to pick up our Dumbass of the Day award -- his second?

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