How Dummies Measure for Granite Countertops

granite countertop measurement

Most of the college grads at the Antisocial Network have a degree in science or math, and a common question around the (metaphorical) water cooler is, "Just what do you study for a business degree, anyway?" Based on the "answer" that BBA holder Robert C. Young penned at SFGate for someone who wanted to know, "How do I Measure the Square Footage for Granite Countertop?"¹ it sure isn't geometry; or logic, for that matter. And it definitely isn't kitchen remodeling...

Young claims in his introduction (a format element demanded by Demand Media, now known as Leaf Group, when he wrote this tripe) that

"...calculating the amount of granite needed to complete a job requires only basic carpentry and math skills."

Well, it also involves some common sense, which Young apparently didn't learn in B-school. Oh, his simple instructions are simple enough; except that they're wrong. Says Robert,

Measure in inches the lengths of all countertops, including base cabinets and islands. For example, assume you have 144 inches of countertop. This will be the length of backsplash as well. Multiply your total length by 26, the width in inches of standard countertops, to find total countertop area in square inches. So, 44 inches times 26 inches yields 3,744 square inches [sic]. Multiply 144 inches by 4 inches to find your total backsplash area in square inches... Add the two totals together to find total square footage...

Ummm, no, Robert, you left out a few things. First, you forgot to include the 1½" overhang at exposed counter ends (a little longer than laminate tops, BTW). Second, islands don't have a backsplash, and counters on islands aren't 26" deep: they overhang on all four sides. Didn't mention that, didya, Robert? And third, Young failed to mention that you have to measure the long edges of the counters; usually the back, unless cabinets are built around an outside corner.

Oh, and then there's Robert's math mistake ( 44 * 26 = 1144, not 3744) – but that's probably on the idiot content editor. All in all, Young displays complete lack of understanding of the question and of the process, merely performing a half-baked copy-reword-paste job without benefit of a reality check; right down to the claim that the measurement requires "carpentry skills." What a dumbass... a Dumbass of the Day.
¹ The original has been sent to a cleanup team by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   homeguides.sfgate.com/measure-square-footage-granite-countertop-8700.html

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