Sloping Ceilings for Dummies

sloping ceiling, level floor

Some of the dreck our researchers uncover as they search the internet for freelancing foolishness is enough to make us want to throttle the writers. Of course, that would be time-consuming and difficult, not to mention illegal (though there are probably some courts that would consider doing so justifiable)... but anyway, today's DotD awardee, David Robinson (not the former San Antonio Spurs center) would be a prime candidate for such treatment given the rubbish he said when he posted the eHow.com article "How to Calculate the Degrees of Slope on the Ceiling," which Leaf Group has now moved to Hunker.com.

As is typical of eHow, where the OQ's sometimes puzzling wording is never changed, the title is... clumsy. So is Robinson's answer, which we pretty much expected when we read the first sentence in his post:

"When a ceiling slopes, the floor may do so, too, so the ceiling and floor remain parallel to each other."

Is this idiot kidding? We polled the staff, and the only reason anyone could come up with for parallel sloping ceiling and floor is some sort of ramp or possibly a stairwell. If that were the case, then slapping an angle measurement tool on the floor would make short work of this task. But back to Robinson's instructions... Robinson details using a laser level to make certain you're perfectly accurate (as opposed to measuring from some sloping floor). David's instructions are correct, if a tad wordy. It's when he gets to his tips that things get strange:

"Slope may vary across the ceiling and in different directions. A ceiling that bows in the middle forms a curve in all directions, whereas a ceiling subject to subsidence may slope evenly and in only one direction."

What a yutz: some poor schmuck wants to know how to calculate the slope of a cathedral ceiling, and Robinson's giving him all the rubbish about curves and subsidence. We guess that's how you think when you are "an honors Bachelor of Arts in geography and education [with] a teaching certificate," or as we like to call such people, a Dumbass of the Day.

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