Ohio Spiders for Arachnophobic Dummies

Argiope aurantia black and yellow spider

We don't usually hand out DotD awards to the same person on two consecutive days, but give us a break – the staff retreat is today and we-re in a bit of a time crunch. So even though we just tagged her for the first time yesterday, we're calling eHow.com's Shanea Patterson back to the podium again for the gross scientific incompetence she displayed in the post "Types of Black & Yellow Spiders in Ohio."¹

We don't have an entomologist on staff (nor do we have an etymologist), but we do have people who can type "black and yellow spider Ohio" into Google, and the results we came up with were exactly what we expected. The "gigantic" – we suspect – black and yellow spider that scared the bejeepers out of some Buckeye is very likely to be an argiope. And they're harmless... Unfortunately, that's not what Patterson came up with in her half-assed and -wit research. No, Shanea "informed" her readers that

"There are 37,000 types of spiders in the world and over 520 species in Ohio alone. There are spiders of all sizes, colors and species in Ohio."

...and then proceeded to list a few of them. Along the way, she transmitted details like

"...two species fall within the ground spiders category: the Micaria pulicaria and the Urozelotes rusticus, both black spiders...": But are any black and yellow? "Hacklemesh Weavers... belong to the Callobius family, a spider genus in the Amaurobiidae family... [they] can appear brown, black and reddish.": Ummm, a genus is not a family, Shanea. BTW, are any of them black and yellow? "Cobweb weavers... can appear to be a golden yellow, black, reddish, copper or tan in color.": But are any black and yellow? "The barn funnel weaver, or the Tegenaria domestica is a common spider in Ohio and is red-brown with a pale-yellow covering of hairs.": Is this the one? "Sac spiders are also called Cheiracanthium and belong to the class Arachinda [sic] and the order Araneae. They belong to the Clubionidae family.": Linnaeus is rolling over in his grave at this "Arachinda" bullshit. Repeat after me: "King Philip Came Over For Ginger Snaps"...

All this yutz had to do was ask at the Ohio Department of Natural Resources to learn a few facts (including the name) about those ginormous spiders in their gardens, But no, Patterson couldn't figure that out; perhaps because she was avoiding science classes while earning an English degree. Feh. On the other hand, she did earn something — her second Dumbass of the Day award in two days.

[Note: Argiope aurantia is a truly cool spider: take a look at its Wikipedia entry some time]

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/list_7523929_types-black-yellow-spiders-ohio.html

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