Log Barstools for Dummy Woodworkers

rustic log bar stool

Our research team members run across some pretty doofus posts as they do their daily searches for DotD candidates. Most of them fall into two categories: one is generic posts of "keyword-rich" topics written for general sites like HubPages, InfoBarrel, or Ezine; the other is "on-demand" topics written for the Demand Media Studios (DMS¹) sites. The second group can be especially irritating when some total n00b tries to answer a specific question... sort of like Lisa Wampler attempting to explain "How to Make Log Bar Stools and Preserve the Bark"² for eHow.com, now niched at HomeSteady.com.

Suffice it to say Wampler knew jack about this topic; so she asked her SO Charles Silket³ how you might do this. Apparently, Charlie didn't know, either... but we'll get to that later. Lisa opens by telling her readers that anyone with the proper tools can make one of these stools if he or she has,

"...a natural edge log that measures at least 4 feet in length and 3 feet in diameter..."

We did a little math on this topic, and we figured that – assuming the log is southern white pine and kiln-dried – a chunk of wood that size would be pretty hefty: it would weigh considerably more than half a ton! But never mind that: no doubt every wannabe woodworker has a forklift in the shop. You'll also need some other fairly industrial tools, according to Wampler's instructions:

• "Cut each end of the log flat on a horizontal band saw." – The largest capacity horizontal band saw we could find online handles 18-inch stock (and costs about $8K).
• "Trace a 16-by-24-inch rectangle onto the top of the log. Position the 16-inch edge at the front of the log. Grind the wood out of the rectangle with an angle grinder. Cut down 24 inches deep." – This dumbass is kidding, right? Cut down 24 inches with a friggin' angle grinder? And not even a suggestion to drill out the bulk of the wood to be removed? Idiot.
• "You must remove the [waste] wood while keeping the back edge, side edges and bottom edge flat. Grind in sections to make it easier. Start at the front of the log and work your way down and back. When finished, the space left behind the rectangle serves as a the chair back and the material left on each side of the rectangle serves as the arm rests." – Wait just a minute: that's not a stool, that's some sort of bench! Moron!

Clearly, Wampler's "resource" is about as clueless as she is if Charles thinks a) that these are instructions for making a barstool, b) normal people have the necessary tools, and c) anyone has the means to wrestle an eleven hundred pound log around the room... No, we aren't certain which one of these two is the Dumbass of the Day (it could easily be the content editor) – but we're giving it to Lisa.

¹ Around AN headquarters, we like to say that you can't spell "dumbass" without "DMS"...
² The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_10067164_make-log-bar-stools-preserve-bark.html
³ Lisa's referenced Charlie a lot of times, variously calling him a woodworker, a small engine repair technician, or a motorcycle and small engine repair technician. Linkedin says he's a machinist...

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