Geometry and Proofreading, the Dummy Combination

radius, diameter, circumference,
and area of a circle

Our research staffers turn up some of the strangest stuff as they search the internet for DotD candidates. Some of it's exactly what you expect, such as vendors who don't speak a word of English using Google Translate to try to describe their wares (we suppose it works just as badly in the opposite direction) and scientifically illiterate J-school grads trying to describe particle physics... and then there are the lawyers... like Carter McBride, JD, who apparently had lots of time on his hands – enough time to write "How to Calculate the Perimeter of a Shape" for Sciencing.com, though not enough to proofread it...

McBride's assignment was, frankly, pretty damned easy. After all, just about anyone past sixth grade knows that the perimeter is the sum of all the sides of a polygon (circles are, of course, different). So in essence, all Carter had to do was come up with some way to say that while meeting the infamous minimum word count (MWC). That's why he started out with

"The perimeter of shapes is the summation of the length of each side of a shape. Perimeter for a circle is different: when a diameter equals one, then the perimeter equals pi. Contractors use perimeter for things such as to determine lengths of fences or putting a border around a room."

We assume his law degree is why Carter used "summation" instead of sum, and why he expanded "sum of the sides" to "summation of the length of each side" – or maybe that's just MWC again. We do think he should have used the value of π there, though... not to mention using the word "circumference."
More MWC bullbleep ensues when he discusses perimeter of a rectangle:

"...for example, a parallelogram may have sides of 3 inches, 3 inches, 5 inches and 5 inches... Add the sides together. In the example, 3 plus 3 plus 5 plus 5 equals a perimeter of 16 inches."

Which, we suspect, is just a way to insert extra words.

But why we're really here is his discussion of the perimeter of a circle:

"Measure the diameter of the circle. The diameter is the length from one end of a circle to the opposite end of the circle. For example, a circle may have a diameter of 10 inches. Divide the diameter into two to determine the radius. In the example, the radius of the circle is 5 inches. Multiply 2 by the radium [sic] and pi. In the example, 2 times 5 times 3.14, which equals a perimeter of 31.4 inches."

Yes, this moron and his content editor did call half the diameter the "radium" and try to convince us that a circle has "ends." That's not McBride's only contribution to the stupidification of the internet, though. No, Carter tells you to divide the diameter by two and them multiply that value by two and π – another method of reaching MWC? Combine that with the whole "radium" thing (which has been on eHow since 2010) and a Dumbass of the Day award is a done deal.

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