Removing a Deadbolt for Dummies

Ummm, where's the handle, Jagg?

We see a lot of obvious pseudonyms as we surf the underbelly of internet publishing, aka content farms. Some are obvious: Vee Enne, for instance, is obviously someone with the initials V. N.; others are less so, like Elle di Jensen, aka L. D. Jensen. Today's DotD has the most obvious of all, not to mention that he's both an liar and a halfwit: meet eHow.com's "Jagg Xaxx," alleged PhD in art history who (at the time of publication of "How to Take a Deadbolt Off") had been writing for 25-plus years and worked as a "cabinetmaker" for twelve years – all while looking as though he was about 25 years old. Yeah, sure... isn't he a U T grad who stayed in Austin after graduation?

The Jaggster, as he styled himself before being dumped by DMS¹, also claimed to have built and renovated "several houses." From his article, however, it appears that about all he ever did with a house was live in one...

If you soldier on, though, to read through Xaxx's rubbish you'll quickly find that – according to "Jagg" – there are two kinds of deadbolt. One is the surface-mounted type (we'll get to that later), while the second is something he calls an "Integral Knob Deadbolt Lock." Nonplussed by that construction, our staffer googled it, only to find that there is exactly one occurrence of the phrase on the 'net: Jagg's. "Expert," right?

Where Jack – we're tired of his double-g, triple-x junk – went off the rails was in thinking that a deadbolt is the same thing as a locking knob. Oh, sure, he copied-reworded-pasted some reasonably on-topic content for that task, but let's get real: when taking off a deadbolt, either single- or double-cylinder, it's never necessary to

"Loosen the grub nut on the shaft of the doorknob using a small flat-head screwdriver." or "Pull the doorknob off the shaft, then pull the doorknob on the other side of the door out of the doorknob hole."

That's not to mention that the grub nut of a locking handle often takes a hex key... To quote Bugs Bunny, "What a maroon!"

When it comes to the surface-mounted deadbolt, the boy sort of gets it right. He also gets it wrong: as far as he's concerned, a surface-mounted deadbolt is pretty much the same thing as one of those snap locks on screen doors. We say that because his instructions comprise

1. Remove any screws that hold the lock to the surface of the door.
2. Break the paint seal around the base of the lock...
3. ...pry outward until the lock pops off, if the lock doesn't come off the face of the door on its own.

Ummm, Dude? A surface-mounted deadbolt still has a keyway on the outside of the door: how do you get that off? Right: you don't know, because you're a typical Dumbass of the Day, making it up as you go along.

¹ DMS = Demand Media Studios, parent of eHow. The company's now known as Leaf Group, but we still call it DMS. Why? Because you can't spell "dumbass" without "DMS," that's why!

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