Angles in Brick Walls, the Dummy Version

The trick is squint bricks, Vera

It's not often that we run across a DotD candidate quite as clueless as the freelancer we've chosen for today's award. We see plenty of freelancers who attempt, unsuccessfully, to reword instructions and information they've harvested from people who actually know what they're talking about, but this one's still worse. Watch as eHow.com freelancer Vera Leigh takes the stupidification of the internet to a new level in the HomeSteady.com post, "How to Lay a 45-Degree Angle Brick Wall."

It's bad enough that the OQ did a sloppy job of wording the question: there are at least two different ways to interpret that phrase. Leigh concluded that the OQ wanted to know how to lay out a wall on the diagonal. We respectfully disagree: even an idiot can figure that one out (well, no, Vera probably couldn't). What we suspect is that the OQ wanted to know how to put a 45-degree corner on a brick wall. That's a whole 'nother problem.¹

Vera, on the other hand, just wanted you to lay out a diagonal (of what, it seems, she did not know). Here's her "solution" in four steps:

1. "Measure a square with a tape measure..."
2. "Place the tape measure in the middle of one corner of the square and stretch it to the opposite corner... You have now formed a 45-degree angle at these two corners. Remove the extra bricks from the sides of the square so that your wall forms a 'Z' pattern. At each point, the wall will form a 45-degree angle..."
3. "Pour the mortar mix and the water in a bucket and mix with a cement-mixing drill..."
4. "Smooth mortar down the length of bricks and layer them until you have the height of wall you desire."

Here are our comments on her instructions: You can't "measure a square" with just a tape measure, idiot. You can lay out a square with a couple of tape measures, string, and some stakes... Ignorant English major, the corners of a Z are not all 45-degree angles! If you really are laying a brick wall, shouldn't it have a footing? Of course it should, dumbass! Now those are some brick-layin' instructions for the ages!

Obviously, Vera Leigh has never laid a brick wall in her life. She might not have ever constructed a square in her life, at least since taking geometry in middle school. We'll be honest: we don't know whether the OQ wanted to know how to wrap a brick wall around a 45° (or, more likely, a 135°) corner; or, for some unknown reason, build a wall that steps up a 45-degree slope; or something else. It's a near certainty, though, that the post by our Dumbass of the Day was of no help.

¹ For those still wondering about non-90° corners in brick walls, we suggest that you google the phrase "squint brick."

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