A Dummy's Guide to the World's Worst Deck Plans

A cheap deck?

There are lots of hard-earned lessons our staffers are more than happy to share with readers, but today they would like to concentrate on two of them. The first is something you should already have learned for yourself: "You get what you pay for." The second? Well, that's pretty much why we identify some moronic freelancer every day to be our daily dumbass: "You can't trust a freelancer writing at a content farm." With that said, then, let's see what Carole Ellis (aka Carole Vansickle) has to say in the Sapling.com post, "How to Build a Cheap Deck."

Ellis spit out eleven "steps" in her plans, and darned near every one of them had something stupid in it somewhere. She didn't even need to get to step one to make it pretty clear she wasn't speaking from experience:

"Building a deck on the cheap generally means not using a treated wood, and then to compensate for this, using a wood preservative instead. Some concessions can be made by doing this, as well as using deck screws instead of nails and sanded plywood for the top instead of individual boards..." Already we found incorrect information: deck screws are considerably more expensive than nails (unless they're stainless steel), and a sheet of ¾" BCX plywood costs more than an equivalent area of untreated deck boards. So much for making it "cheap," Carole! Let's have a look at some of her other instructions:

• "Step 2: Dig four post holes at the corners, approximately 24 inches deep. " – A) the post holes should be deep enough to extend below the frost line and B) only a small deck (e.g., 8' x 8') is stable with just four support posts.
• "Step 3: Plant the 4 x 4's in corner holes... Step 4: Make sure that the 4 x 4's are level and solidly planted. Level off the board in each hole. Fill the rest of the hole with dirt, and tamp down snug." –  A) learn the difference between "plumb" and "level," Carole; and B) corner posts should be cemented in place for stability.
• "Step 5: Attach all corners together on the outside with the 2 x 6 boards..." – The rim joist should be 8-inch or even 10-inch lumber. Oh, and attach with what? They should be bolted or, at the least, attached with ¼-inch lag screws.

• "Step 6: Complete your deck frame. Attach 2 x 6 boards to the inside of the corner posts." – It's physically impossible to do that...
• "Step 7: Soak or roller on wood preservative on all of your 2 x 6 boards. Standard-grade lumber costs less than half of treated lumber, so it's now up to you to waterproof your wood." – A) Carole's "less than half" is a misstatement and B) she forgot that a gallon of wood preservative costs about twenty bucks.
• "Step 8: Every 24 inches, attach a joist holder to the frame and then attach a joist inside the joist holder, using your hammer and deck nails to secure them." – A) Joists are supposed to be 16 inches on center, not 24; and B) you don't use "deck nails" on joist hangers, you use "shorty" 10d nails (if you know what "10d" means, unlike Ellis).
• "Step 9: Attach the plywood base. Lay out your plywood sheets, sanded side up, on the top of the joists. Nail them into position..." – Idiot: no one uses plywood for a deck, especially half-inch plywood over 2-by-6 joists set 24 inches on center!
• "Step 11: ...use an oil based stain... The sanded plywood will have an attractive grain..." – Only someone who has never seen stained plywood would call that grain "attractive"!

We rest our case: anyone who's ever built a deck is rolling on the floor right now after reading the plans our Dumbass of the Day concocted!

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