Joists for Dummy Carpenters

wood joist framing

When the time comes to have construction work done on a building, we're inclined to think that we would rather consult a carpenter that some freelancer with a BFA in creative writing. After all, someone who has to look up common building terms probably doesn't know how to build things, either... At least that's the impression we got when we looked into a post at WiseGEEK.net, "What Are the Types of Joist Design?"; as concocted by Andrew Kirmayer. The post has since been moved, for unknown reasons, to AlltheScience.com ("science"? really?).

We rather wondered whether the OQ flubbed his or her question, since it really doesn't make much sense. As far as we can tell, though, Kirmayer couldn't figure it out either.

All he did, then, was reword a DoItYourself.com post. Since that one was probably penned by another freelancer, it's... not all that good. According to Andy and his source, there are five "types of joist design": timber, floor, ceiling, exposed, and steel. As befits an experienced reworder, Kirmayer made lemonade out of those particular lemons:

"There are various kinds of joist design depending on the kind of structure and what an architect or engineer finds to be the most appropriate. Designs include the web structure of a bar joist, and building framing can also be made of wood or steel. These structural elements can also be built into the ceiling or a floor, or be exposed to provide a particular motif for the interior appearance of a building."

From the looks of that paragraph, Kirmayer somehow managed to mix the materials used in joists with the uses of joists in his definition of "design." The closest we can come to a similar mixture might be mixing sedan, convertible, hybrid, and diesel as "types of car designs."

Moving right along, Andrew had some interesting points to make, including such dumbassery as,

• "[Joists] often support loads as well as provide aesthetic appeal." – OFTEN support loads???

• "Many types of joist design use one material..." – We'd be inclined to say that most of them do...
• "A wood joist design is sometimes used if the load can be supported by a timber frame."
• "Some structures are better off with joists in the ceiling, while others have a floor joist design." – Is that Andy's way of saying that some buildings have exposed beams in the ceilings? We sure hope he knows they almost certainly have hidden joists in the floor...
• "Another component of joist design is the overall support system. The structural supports can be held in place at both ends. They can also be connected at one end or be free standing at the other, which is known as a cantilever joist design." – Dear Lord, please make him stop talking!
• "There are also tools online, such as a joist calculator, which can help determine the best design depending on the material, size, and how much space is between the joists." – No, dummy, calculators are used to determine the necessary joist size depending on span, material, load, and spacing.

In case you haven't noticed, it's dead certain that Kirmayer had never given a moment's thought to joists of, for that matter, any other structural component of a building. Still, he decided he could "inform" people about the topic. When we see people like that, we like to give them our Dumbass of the Day award.

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