Dog Training for Dummies

dog training

Here at Antisocial Network World Headquarters, we generally share floor space with not one but two largish dogs; both of whom quite frankly rank above the interns in the office pecking order. Even though the staff as a collective body has plenty to say about the care and raising of canines, we rarely feature freelance bushwa we've turned up about dogs. Today's post, however, bucks that particular trend. Let's see what returning DotD Mary Riverstone (aka Greeshma Justin) has to say in his/her/its EzineArticles.com post, "A Few Useful Tips for Dog Training."

If we were asked for useful tips for training your dog, we'd most likely have things to say about consistency, pack behavior, repetition, repetition, positive reinforcement... That's not what "Mary" has to say, however. No, Riverstone opens with the nonsensical statement that,

"Having a pet dog home [sic] is very relaxing if you are a dog lover. Bringing home a puppy can be one of the most exiting, and happy event, [sic] with the initial excitement of barking feeding, naming, playing, and giving the pup a bath and so on." Based on the notion of "giving the pup a bath," we think "Mary" reworded something about newborn infants. But who knows? Anyway, we worked at it for a while and extracted the following tips from Riverstone's opus:

• "Training a dog is a very methodological [sic] and a calculated effort that has to be dealt with very cautiously. We all are aware that habits are hard to die, therefore, before a habit sets in and establishes it is better to train the right manner." – We think this means, "Get out ahead of bad behavior," but we aren't sure.
• "A dog obeys only his master." – Not true, unless the dog has been trained to only obey his master... or not trained at all, which is more likely.
• "Take each step at a time. Though a dog is a fast learner, it is advisable that you do not load too many instructions at a time. Too many instructions and dos and don'ts are likely to confuse your pet." – Professional trainers teach their animals complex sequences in a stepwise manner. Maybe that's what Mary thinks?

• "Stick to a single language of instruction. More than one language can confuse the dog, and you may blame your dog to be a slow learner." – Idiot. You can teach a dog "Sit!" in English and "Le bas!" in French, and she'll be just fine. Add, "¡Venga!" in Spanish and Doggy will still be fine. A dog does not have a native language, Mary, which is why yelling "No!" all the time is of no use.
• "Proper toilet training is most important. It is easy to train your puppy potty training, by simply noticing his body language and guiding him once." – It's been our experience that once is not enough, Mary.

When it comes to training our dogs, we're a lot more likely to listen to people who know something about dogs than to a Dumbass of the Day like Greeshma Justin Mary Riverstone whatever.

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