Cutting Rocks for Dummies

Cutting stone with a hammer and chisel

The staffers at the Antisocial Network are used to coming across truly cockamamie bull while researching the nominations they bring to the staff meeting each morning. They find peole who redefine terms, misword instructions, and in general wreak mayhem on science and all manner of DIY projects. Today's DotD nominee, however, takes bull to new heights. Get this: for a reference, Ed English actually cited himself! Yes, and some moronic eHow.com content editor let him get away with it!  You can find this chutzpah at HomeSteady.com in the post entitled "How to Cut Rocks for Landscaping."

Yup, you'll find it right there at the bottom of the page in the references: "Ed English; Author; English Explorers LLC; Lawrenceville, Georgia"; with a link to nowhere. It's right above the resources Ed compiled, neither of which actually addresses the subject at hand. Instead English prattles a bit about the topic, including his anodyne intro:

"The ability to cut rocks can add versatility to your landscape choices. Cutting rocks gives you a choice between a rigid straight line appearance at borders or a more natural broken look."

We defy you to find a vendor who will sell you "landscape rocks" with a "rigid straight line appearance"... Be that as it may, however, Ed delivers the typical boilerplate instructions we've seen so many times before: Use a circular saw. Duh.

We aren't all that certain what English was thinking when he started out with the instruction to,

"Determine which way the grain is running in your rock piece. The grain is the lines that appear in the rock... It may be easier to cut against the grain than with the grain. Vibration may cause some rocks to fall apart prematurely when cutting with the grain. "

Based on that rubbish, we have to wonder if English was merely trying to reword instructions for cutting wood. His "resource" for how to build a stone patio appears to be bogus as well, since the site did not have DIY instructions. Ed also said to use something called a "palling hammer" and a saw with a "masonry blade." The former is (probably) supposed to be a spalling hammer, and a masonry blade is very likely to be overmatched by any but the softest natural stone – you need a diamond blade.

As for the act of cutting, English must have found a fairly accurate source, although he concentrates on the "cut it with a saw" solution. He said nothing of using a cold chisel or the chisel edge or a spalling hammer, though, just "cut it part way through and then whack it with your hammer." In fact, he seemed unaware that the hammer he references has a chisel edge, instructing his readers to,

"Hit the rock all along the line where you want it to break. Continue tapping as if you were drawing a line with the hammer."

Yeah, that's gonna work, Ed. No wonder someone nominated you for the singular honor of Dumbass of the Day!

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