String Trimmer Reviews for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXXVII

string trimmer

Few writing styles are as likely to give our staffers excruciating headaches as the garbage-filled output of spinning algorithms. To be honest, we thought that with the death of pay-per-click freelance sites like Buublews.com and Helium.com, most of the spinners had retired their algorithms and ridden off into the sunset of whatever foreign lands they call home. Not all have retired their software, however: here's an example from that execrable pile of internet dumbassery called SooperArticles.com, another post from the keyboard of "Lawrence Barnett." This one is entitled – and we kid you now – "Trimmer Line Introduces The New." The new what, we can't tell you... even after reading Barnett's copy.

Riding Mowers for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXX

rear-engine riding mower

If you were paying attention in the halcyon days of eHow.com, you're probably well aware that the site's reputation was one of incompetents barfing up misinformation about whatever topics they managed to capture from a vast library of questions harvested from the 'net. Clearly, it did not matter that the "contributor" knew as little as – if not less – about the topic than the person asking the question. It was always all about the cash. If you still need convincing. all you have to do is take a look at some of the site's surviving content... content like "How Does a Riding Lawn Mower Work?" at GardenGuides.com, as barfed up by creative writing major-slash-musician Isaiah David.

Steps in Dirt, a Dummies Method

steps dug into slope

The nice people who now run Leaf Group (formerly Demand Media Studios, parent company of eHow.com) have been paying a small cadre of freelancers to "freshen" bits and pieces of their content. Their biggest problems is apparent lack of vetting of those freelancers, for several of them have proven woefully inept in their rewrites. Most of the time, it's been because the original was written by someone unfamiliar with the topic and the rewrite specialist merely reworded what was already there. You cannot make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. That's pretty much the problem with "How to Cut Steps Into a Dirt Slope," a rewrite of a David Robinson post at Hunker.com by Danielle Smyth.

Holes in Trees for Geometry Dummies

hole through (small)  tree

Alfred, Lord Tennyson wrote, "Theirs was not to reason why / Theirs but to do and die."¹ It's often misquoted as "Ours is not to reason why," and that's why we thought of it today: that phrase might as well have been the motto of the freelancers who contributed to eHow.com. Take, for instance, the HomeSteady.com content scribbled down by Damon Koch; a little something titled "How to Drill a Hole Through a Tree."

Drip Irrigation for Dummies

drip irrigation drippers

The staffers at world HQ of the Antisocial Network have recently been working in the "community garden" in preparation for spring planting. The biggest task is refurbishing the drip irrigation system for the raised garden beds, so it was with some interest that the gardeners among us read through the EzineArticles.com post by returning DotD Shalini Madhav (sometimes known as "dbslinks"). We were more than a little interested to see what the Bangladeshi freelancer had to say on the topic of, "Steps To Install A Drip Irrigation System." We weren't disappointed – if by "disappointed" you mean, "Didn't find anything that contributed to the stupidification of the internet."

Tubeless Tires for Dummies

anatomy of a tubeless tire

Every day some unlucky staffer — usually the one who loses a rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock tournament — is assigned to check a couple dozen entries in this blog to see whether the nominee is still live on the Web and to find a copy in archive.org if it isn't. Not long ago, the poor intern (it's usually an intern for some reason) ran across a post pretending to explain how to patch a tubeless tire on a wheelbarrow. For the most part, we objected to the eHow contributor's inability to craft coherent instructions, though we noted that she did manage to mention seating the tire bead in the wheel. Well, that post is gone, and the link redirects to what is arguably an even worse set of instructions for tubeless tires. It's "How to Inflate a Flat Tubeless Tire on a Riding Lawn Mower," written by Elizabeth Knoll in the days she called herself Robin Gonyo, and now residing at GardenGuides.com.

Drainage Problems, the Dummy Solution

berms and swales

Suppose for a moment that you have a problem. No, not your love life or the way your dog keeps humping your significant other's leg. Let's pretend that you have "Drainage Problems Around a House Built on a Hillside." So, like most people today, you head for the internet and plug that description into the blank at your favorite search engine. What do you hope to find in return? We're of the opinion that given that sort of search, you're looking for solutions. That's not what eHowian John Walker seemed to think, however, at least based on his post at GardenGuides.com.

Pop-Up Gutter Drainage for Dummies

Popup drainage emitter

When it comes to how-to instructions, there are good and bad instructions... and then there are those that are just plain worthless. Today's DotD nominee falls well into the "worthless" end of that particular spectrum, mainly because of the final step in those so-called instructions. So, let's meet returning DotD Cadence Johansen and see what her HomeSteady.com post, "How to Install a Pup-Up Gutter Drain" has to teach us.

Downspout Laws for the Clueless

One prohibited downspout connection

When you read through the dreck published at the former eHow.com, it's sometimes hard to tell whether the freelancers who write there were simply clueless or were intentionally stupid. We mean, you have to wonder: some of the "answers" those people published were so far off-topic they belonged in another time zone! We're thinking, in case you were curious, of posts like "Gutter Downspout Laws," published at HomeSteady.com by Adam Yeomans.

Sprinkler Head Maintenance for Dummies

Capping a sprinkler head

There may well be no eHow.com freelancer trick more irritating to our research staff than faking references. In case you didn't know, once there'd been sufficient ridicule of their "expert" help, eHow began requiring that their contributors list references for the information they reworded. Unfortunately, the content editors didn't always verify that the information was actually in the references. Oops. That's what tipped us to Rick Paulas and his moronic HomeSteady.com post, "How to Cap a Sprinkler Head."¹

Cutting Rocks for Dummies

Cutting stone with a hammer and chisel

The staffers at the Antisocial Network are used to coming across truly cockamamie bull while researching the nominations they bring to the staff meeting each morning. They find peole who redefine terms, misword instructions, and in general wreak mayhem on science and all manner of DIY projects. Today's DotD nominee, however, takes bull to new heights. Get this: for a reference, Ed English actually cited himself! Yes, and some moronic eHow.com content editor let him get away with it!  You can find this chutzpah at HomeSteady.com in the post entitled "How to Cut Rocks for Landscaping."