Upcycling Doors to Porch Swings for Dummies

Porch swing made from doors

Let's get this out of the way right up front: we have no complaints with people who are into "upcycling." Some of us have been known to practice the craft a time or two, though none of us would touch a pallet with a ten-foot pole. Still, no complaints. The people we do have problems with are the ones like eHow contributor Erin Ringwald and the hatchet job she did on "How to Make a Door Into a Porch Swing"¹ at GardenGuides.com.

The staffer who turned this one up was, she'd admit, intrigued by the idea of a door made into a porch swing, so she did what anyone would do: she googled it. Apparently lots of people have tried this successfully. Our staffer was pretty sure, however, that Ringwald was not one of them.
Such a swing can be made from a solid-core door or, more likely, doors; ripped to create two panels, one for a seat and one for the back. Ringwald got that:

"Cut two doors into a 21-by-49-inch piece for the swing’s back and a 19 1/2-by-49-inch piece for the swing’s seat, using a circular saw. The width depends on the door you choose"

We note that every other set of instructions said to rip a bevel on the seat so the back sits at a 10- or 15-degree angle, because a right angle would be uncomfortable. Erin missed that. We also found Erin's mention of "the width" to be rather confusing. Maybe she meant thickness? And then there's

"Cut two pieces of door measuring 19 1/2-by-1 inches to create the arms of the swing..."

...which just didn't make any sense to us... Whatever the case, Ringwald next advised readers to assemble the swing by gluing the back to the seat and to,

"...secure the two pieces together, using 4-inch wood screws." 

We note that her materials list includes a screwdriver, but not a drill or bits. Ouch, that's gonna hurt; putting in 4-inch screws without pilot holes. But that's nothing, compared to adding the arms:

"Secure the arms in place by inserting a 4-inch wood screw through the arm pieces into the edges of the back and seat piece. Space the screws every 6 inches."

That sort of spacing's gotta be hard to do with something only an inch wide...

Ringwald didn't have to cite a reference, so heaven only knows where she came up with the "plans" she cribbed, but it looks like she tried to combine two different sets into one and, since she had no idea what she was doing, managed to blow it. Speaking of blowing it, Erin's biggest screw-up came when she told her readers how to hang the swing:

"Drill two pilot holes into the ceiling of the porch where you want to hang the swing. Place the pilot holes into a cross beam if possible. If not, insert a wall anchor into the holes."

Yes, this moron actually suggested hanging a porch swing from eye bolts set in wall anchors. If that didn't qualify Ringwald for Dumbass of the Day (dangerous stupidity division), nothing does.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_12205983_make-door-porch-swing.html

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