Shed Roofs of the Dummy Variety

T&G roof decking is installed lengthwise, not down the slope

We may have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: a surprising number of eHow freelancers made up their content out of whole cloth and then cited general websites as their "references." That might have been acceptable if the freelancers knew what they were talking about, but too often, they didn't. They were ignorant, like J. Johnson was when she penned "How to Build a Roof for an 8x8 Shed,"¹ which can now be found at HomeSteady.com. We note that if we wrote something this ignorant, we wouldn't publish our name, either!

Johnson started by insulting our intelligence:

"With the first rain, everything in an 8-by-8 foot could potentially be ruined without a strong, stable roofing system."

What's truly an insult, however, is the bullshit instructions she then laid out. Johnson never said a word about rafters, ridgepoles, or even different types of roofs. No, she made the blasé assumption that your roof was already framed. We aren't sure, but this idiot might have thought the roof was already decked. Here's what she said to do:

• "Measure the pitch of the roof... assume you will need enough tongue-and-groove boards to cover both sides of the roof." — Tongue  and groove? is she serious?
• "Cut one end of each of the roof boards at a 45 degree angle, using a miter saw. The angles for the boards on each side of the roof should be cut opposite each other so they will fit together at the roof's peak." — That's not how it works, J!
• "Calculate using the width of the boards to determine whether you will need to make any cuts lengthwise." — WTF does that even mean, anyway?
• "Nail down the first board on one side of the shed roof using finish nails... the 45 degree angle you cut should be at the top so that it can fit together with a board on the opposite side." — That sure sounds watertight!
• "Install the boards on the opposite side of the roof using the same methods as the first side. Add wood glue to the ends of the 45 degree cuts for added reinforcement." — No, she wasn't kidding...

We cannot conceive of a world in which the instructions barfed up by this utterly clueless English major would create what she says is a "strong, stable roofing system"! What would be hilarious is that Johnson found plans for a lean-to with a shed roof and decided it would be fine to pretend that her instructions would work for a pitched roof.
Joining the two sides at the top with wood glue? No shingles, nothing? Small wonder we're naming her our Dumbass of the Day!

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_10066101_build-roof-8x8-shed.html

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