How Dummies Make a Homemade Door

Hollow core door anatomy

It goes without saying that some of our DotD nominees are more clueless than others. The ones who seem to make the least sense are the earliest adopters at eHow.com, j-school and English Lit students who pounded out utter bull for ten bucks a pop. For today, let's have a look at a 2009 post by Lindsey Mastis, in which she pretended to explain "How to Build Your Own Door."

Mastis vomited up some "plans" that appear to be for a hollow core door. We can assure you, however, that they're not gonna work. In a nutshell, Lindsey says to build it with

• A couple of ¼-inch sheets of "luon [sic] wood."
• Some 1-by-4s
• Glue, nails, hinges, doorknob.

First, we should probably point out to Lindsey that the wood species is lauan, not luon. Luon® is a trademark of Lululemon for their version of Spandex (although the company did not yet exist when this tripe was written). Second, although Mastis appears unaware of it, the rails and stiles of a hollow core door are actually one inch thick as opposed to the ¾-inch thickness of a nominal 1-by-4. Of course, all that dumbassery pales alongside Lindsey's "instructions," which contain this helpful hint:

"Usually it is cheaper to purchase a ready-made door, but by learning the basics, you can develop your skills and create something unique."

Yeah, sure... but your "skills" had better go beyond Lindsey's instructions, which consist of

• Use two 1-by-4s for stiles (vertical members), cut "a quarter inch smaller than your door frame."
• "Attach" them to two rails cut "seven inches shorter than the width of your door."
• Cut two "middle rails," which will be "fasted [sic] in the middle with nails."
• "Place the luon [sic] on the frame. Glue and nail it with brad nails [sic] onto the frame." Let it dry, then sand "the edges."
• "Attach three hinges on one side. The front of the hinges need to be flush with the wood, so you will have to mortis [sic] the hinge into the door and the door frame."
• We don't bother with Lindsey's method of installing the knob...

Never mind that a hollow core door typically has something in the middle to keep it from squeezing flat, or that this door would be too large for its opening, or that all those "brad nails" will look like crap. Just remember that Mastis got paid for her work, and that this award-winning journalist is collecting another award: a Dumbass of the Day.

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