Brakes for Dummy Bicycle Mechanics

brake cable housing (blue)

We freely admit to being purists here at the Antisocial Network, which (for the most part) means that we would prefer that people who know what they're talking about give us the information we need. That pretty much precludes some college English major writing "instructions" for bicycle maintenance without some sort of background as a bike mechanic, even if it's only DIY. When Daniel Barrows chose to bullshit about "How to Install Bicycle Brakes" for LiveStrong.com, he irked our house cycling specialists...

Why? because it's pretty clear that Barrows didn't know squat about installing brakes, and therefore went straight to the only source he could imagine: assembly instructions for a kid's Schwinn. According to Barrows,

"While there are a variety of bicycle brakes to choose from, two of the simplest types to install on a road bicycle are the cantilever and linear-pull brake systems."

Danny, Danny, Danny: linear-pull brakes are cantilever brakes, d00d! Actually, both are a type of caliper, or rim brake, a brake that closes shoes on the rim of the wheel. That's as opposed to a disk brake or the coaster brake on a child's single-speed.

Whatever the case, all Barrows could manage was an attempt to reword Schwinn's instructions and throw a bone to people who actually know something about bicycles by pretending to have visited Park Tool for information (hint: he didn't). His instructions, supposedly, differentiate the installation of cantilever and linear-pull brakes. Here's a selection of Barrows' more interesting foul-ups:

• Both sets of instructions begin with the throwaway, "Bolt the brake assembly onto the front fork of the bicycle." Oddly, he never seems to realize that there are also brakes on the rear wheel. That, and linear-pull brake levers are mounted separately instead of as a single unit at the pivot point like most caliper brakes. 
• Neither set of his instructions mentions a brake cable housing at all. We're sorry to have to point out to Barrows that your brakes won't work without a cable housing...
• Barrows' post starts with installation of the brake levers, which he opens by telling his readers to, "Remove the grip from the right handlebar." Ummm, yeah, Dan. In case you didn't know this (and we suspect you didn't), not all bicycles have handlebar grips. Heaven forbid that your reader's trying to install integrated shifters on a road bike...

We'd like to think that someone who actually knows something about bicycles would have found a more... authoritative information source than the instructions for putting together a kid's bike. We're partial to the website of the late Sheldon Brown: it may not be pretty, but it sure is useful. On the other hand, if you just want to be the Dumbass of the Day, do what Barrows did, and "wing it."

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