Treasure Chest Plans for Dummies

Pirate treasure chest

Our staff woodworkers and carpenters never fail to be irked by the freelancers who attempt to provide plans for projects, especially those who claim that "Youngsters can also do this project, with adult supervision. " We sympathize with any "youngster" who attempts to follow the plans returning DotD Claudia Newcorn vomited up in her HomeSteady.com post, "How to Make a Wooden Treasure Chest."¹ We sympathize because the poor kid is gonna be very frustrated.

We don't know about you, but the mention of a treasure chest conjures up a certain image for us, an image much like the one above. You know, rounded top, metal banding, big 'ol padlock. The plans that Newcorn submitted to eHow.com were a little different, making something like a shipping crate. If you tried to ship something in that crate, though, it would fall apart before it left your house. Here's why...

Claudia wants you to use "standard 12-inch wide, 1-inch thick" lumber, but she apparently doesn't know that the "standard" is 11¼" wide and ¾" thick. She also seems to think that you can assemble your treasure chest with "1 inch finishing [sic] nails." That sure ain't gonna work...

Claudia's plans (for which she did not provide a reference) seem to be for a planter box with a lid. She wants her readers to cut four 3-foot 1-by-12s plus, "...two square end boards, measuring 12 inches on each side." That's gonna be pretty hard to do with 1-by-12s! That's not to mention that even 11¼" squares wouldn't work, because of the way Claudia wants the chest constructed: "Take one long board and both square end boards, and nail the squares to the edge of the long board. Before nailing, check to make sure that the edges are flush."

Claudia, Claudia, Claudia: you need to be more... informative. Does that mean to nail through the "square" into the end of the long board? Or nail through the long board into the side of the square? Inquiring minds want to know... Truth be told, it'll only work if the edge of the "square" is flush with the side of the "long board." After successfully completing that step, Claudia says to,

"Nail the two other long boards to the square end boards... Secure the long boards to each other using two to three nails evenly spaced along the length of the board."

We're of the opinion that 1-inch finish nails won't have enough holding power... We are also experienced enough to know that Claudia didn't correct for the thickness of the lumber in making her plans. Finally, Newcorn wants her readers to place the last board on the top of what looks a lot like a planter and add hinges:

"Take one hinge and place it 12 inches from the left edge and nail or screw it in place on the top and side boards. Do the same with the second hinge, placing it 12 inches from the right edge."

It seems to us that the hinges would look better somewhat closer to the ends. But what do we know? Well, we know hella more about building furniture than our Dumbass of the Day. This "treasure chest" will look like crap, given its proportions and construction, and would fall apart as soon as you put any weight in it. That's no surprise given that the author clearly knows nothing about lumber or woodworking; pretty much par for the course among eHow's freelancers.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   homesteady.com/how-4444046-make-wooden-treasure-chest.html

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