Hidden Shelf Brackets for the Dummy Carpenter

Invisible shelf brackets

We here at the Antisocial Network are firmly of the opinion that you don't ask someone who's never done a thing to tell us how to do that thing. Really, folks: it just doesn't make sense! Yet that is precisely the business model of the former eHow.com, which paid self-chosen freelancers (many of them college journalism and creative writing graduates) to tell people how to do almost anything. Sure, a J-school grad can intelligently discuss laying out a magazine or "punching up a lede," building a balcony? Probably not. Nor could Beverlee Brick tell her HomeSteady.com readers "How to Make Hidden Shelf Brackets."¹

According to Brick, a French Literature grad, floating shelves feature a "bracket.... hidden in the hollow core of the shelf itself." Apparently, she couldn't find instructions building a floating shelf, so instead she decided to tell her readers how to, "invert the concept to build a clean lined bracket for any shelf." To do so, Beverlee went straight to Ron Hazelton and bastardized his tutorial on how to make... wait for it... floating shelves (in fact, she gives instructions for building a french cleat, but let's not quibble).

Hazelton's design featured a frame made of 1-by-2 strips of poplar with a skin of ½-inch plywood on the top and the bottom. The key is that the back edge of the frame is set ¾" from the back edge of the plywood. Another strip of poplar is mounted on the wall as a cleat, and the open edge of the shelf mounts on the sheet, secured with screws. It's not that complex.

Unless you're Brick trying to fake it, that is. Here's what she says to do:

"Cut three wood strips to a length equal to the length of your shelf, plus 2 inches. For example, a 30-inch shelf would need strips cut to 32 inches long. Take the width of your saw blade into account while cutting."

We think she's trying to make something to surround an existing shelf. Apparently, Beverly 1) doesn't know that these "wood strips" are supposed to be 1-by-2s, which are ¾" thick, and 2) conflated cutting wood to length with ripping 2-inch strips from wider stock. Then she says to,

"Cut two other wood strips to a length equal to the thickness of your shelf. A one-inch shelf would need one-inch strips."

We suspect she really meant width instead of "thickness," though the next instruction certainly doesn't help you figure it out...

"Arrange the two short strips and two of the three long strips into a rectangular frame... reinforce with three 1 1/2-inch wood screws per connection, a total of 12 screws."

As near as we can tell, that's a 2½" by 32" rectangle. And isn't 3 screws a heckuva lot for 1-by-2 stock? Finally, Beverlee says to, "Cut the remaining strip to a width that matches the total width of the frame you've built. Mount that strip to the back of the frame... Mount the bracket to the wall using 3-inch wood screws, each drilled through the back plate and into a wall stud behind... Slide your shelf into the bracket, then screw in place with one 1 1/2-inch wood screw for every 2 inches of board length." WTF? Finally, we think we've figured out what Brick was trying to do, and that's make some sort of mounting bracket that fits over the shelf. Well, she has serious problems: first, the "bracket" is an inch or so longer than the shelf (that'll look like crap) and second, the whole idea was to make a hidden shelf bracket. This sure as heck isn't "hidden"!

That, readers, is precisely why we decided Beverlee is richly deserving of a Dumbass of the Day award.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_6632475_make-hidden-shelf-brackets.html

copyright © 2020-2023 scmrak

DDIY - SHELVES