Paneling Over Plaster for Dummies

Furring strips 16 inches on center

When we heard one of the staffers laughing uncontrollably not long ago, we were all pretty certain she'd come across something published by one of the utterly clueless among our DotD nominees. Sure enough, she had found someone who said, "Some people like to use paneling on plaster because paneling lasts longer." We kid you not... and then we noticed the byline: one of our least trusted DotDs, one-time eHow.com contributor Marissa Wilson. The occasion this time was Marissa's HomeSteady.com post, "How to Install Paneling on Plaster."

At one time Wilson had more than fifty eHow articles; she's down to about ten remaining as the site's owners clean up some of the dross. We've helped: this post makes Marissa's sixth award for her brand of dumbassery. To the above cogent statement, add Marissa's reasoning that,

"You can wipe down paneling, and treat it with different polishes."

Truth be told, we would be loath to put up paneling over plaster even if you can wipe it down, mostly because plaster is often quality workmanship while paneling... isn't. But if you have to, Marissa was on the right track: you'll have to install lath (1-by-2 or 1-by-3 furring strips) over the plaster to provide something to affix the paneling to. Unfortunately, here are Wilson's instructions for installing that lath:

• "Measure the longest wall with the tape measure. Put one of the lath boards on the bottom of the floor, and put one on top."
• "Cut the lath boards with the hand saw. Set the lath boards about 16 inches on center. Repeat with the whole room."

Besides asking, "WTF does, "Put one of the lath boards on the bottom of the floor, and put one on top" mean? our staffers were curious about her whole "put" concept. Marissa says squat about how to fasten them to the wall: hollow wall anchors? drywall screws? construction glue? And do the lath strips run vertically or horizontally? Marissa had no advice (probably because she had no clue).
When it comes to installing the panels themselves, Wilson said to,

• "Cover up where you are putting the paneling with the all purpose construction glue. Tack the paneling to the lath boards with the paneling nails."
• "Continue paneling the wall. When you come to a light switch, or outlet, cut them out with the jig saw."

Yeah, right: cover the whole wall with glue... and those switches and outlets are gonna be recessed by the thickness of the paneling plus the thickness of the lath strips. That is gonna be attractive! Hint: you need to frame around the fixtures with lath and insert an extension of the outlet box to bring the switch or outlet to the surface. Dummy.
With quality work like this, it's no wonder that even the J-school grads at Leaf Group are systematically removing everything our Dumbass of the Day ever published for eHow. We have a pool going for how soon this post disappears!

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