Ocean Basins: the Dummy Version

ocean floor features

We've noticed on more than one occasion that certain freelancers can be counted on to pound out utter bullshit no matter what the topic. Why this is so, we don't know: do they actually think they're adding to the total knowledge of humanity? or are they just too greedy to stop bullshitting everyone whenever they sit down at the keyboard? The optimist says the former, the pessimist, the latter. Whichever it is, we have learned that when we want a slam-dunk nominee, all we need to is stop by WiseGEEK.com and look for something Karize Uy submitted; something like "What Is an Ocean Basin?" (now at niche site AllThingsNature.com).

Uy's been here before, and has proven about as reliable a source of misinformation as Rudy Giuliani: if the "communication arts" graduate says something, especially about STEM topics; you can pretty much be certain it's either garbled, misinterpreted, or just plain incorrect. We plucked a few of the more puzzling-slash-bogus statements out of her content to share with you this time out, followed by our staffers' comments.

• "An ocean basin is one of several structures formed by the oceanic crust." – Really? How 'bout you name some of the others, Karize.
• "Similarly, the five major oceans of the world each have their corresponding basins similarly named." – Does no one proof read this crap? Come on Lauren Fritsky, that was supposed to be your job!
• "...features such as continental mountains, volcano chains, plains and valleys have their oceanic counterparts. Underwater mountains are called seamounts, volcanic chains are termed mid-ocean ridges, and valleys are known are oceanic trenches. " – A), you forgot plains, B) "oceanic trenches" are not the same thing as a valley on land, C) many an oceanic mountain reaches above sea level, so isn't a seamount, and D) volcanic chains in the ocean basis are more likely to be island arcs than "mid-ocean ridges."
• "The underwater counterparts, however, are usually several times larger than those above sea level." – That doesn't make any sense, either.
• "Erosion is often considered a major factor in contributing to the shrinkage of an ocean basin, along with sedimentation from ocean tributaries and tectonic plate movements." – Sorry, Karize, but the chief driver of ocean shrinkage is consumption of oceanic crust at convergent margins.
• "...the characteristics of an active basin include the presence of an elevated mid-ocean ridge, or a nearby subduction zone, or a boundary between two tectonic plates." – Well that explains everything...

• "...tectonic activity leading to continental borders shifting, are the primary factors behind what is called continental drift..." – No, you idiot, the continental borders don't shift, the entire continents move!
• "...minor basins, such as those holding the Gulf of Mexico, the Sea of Japan, and the Bering Sea, have been inactive for hundreds, even thousands, of years." – Someone needs to introduce this moron to the concept of geologic time. The Gulf of Mexico, for instance, formed about 200 million years ago, in the Jurassic, and it's been pretty quiet for the last 150 million years!

Once again, Uy has contributed mightily to the overall stupidification of the internet. We have little choice but to award her (lack of) effort with yet another Dumbass of the Day award, tectonics category. Oh, and while we're here: have these people never heard of a semicolon?

SI - TECTONICS