Why Your Volcano Project got a C, Dummy

science project volcano

 It probably happens a million times a year: some grade-schooler or middle-schooler decides to create a volcano for a science project. We have no argument with kids learning about the geology of volcanoes or, for that matter, the chemistry and/or physics involved in creating a pretend eruption. Heck, we're also fine with the craftsmanship necessary to sculpt that cone and decorate it with tiny trees and fleeing villagers. On the other hand, we detest bogus "science." Where does that come from? Well, the kid might have found it at eHow.com, where Daniella Lauren tried to provide "Background Information for a Volcano Science Project" (now at Sciencing.com). Let's just say there's some... misinformation there.

Written while Lauren still called herself Diane Lockridge (although we're pretty certain she isn't really Christine Baranski), the article's sole surviving reference is a list of volcanoes in Hawaii. The original at eHow also scraped lists of volcano types and terminology from ThinkQuest.org (lists created by students?). We aren't all that certain Daniella's choice of references bespeaks a desire to learn from experts...

...and that's probably why one of the staffers ran across this line in the post, a shred of what we like to call "utter bullshit" around the office:

"Volcanoes commonly form where tectonic plates collide with each other. When the plates collide, it causes friction that heats up the earth."

Wait, what? Lauren really found a reference that says volcanic eruptions are a result of friction? It sure as hell isn't in any of the references she cited! That's probably because it's wildly incorrect. To create further confusion for the poor kids who happen to try to use this crapola, Daniella also claims that,

"Volcanologists categorize volcanoes into five types: composite, shield, cinder cone, complex and splatter. Most are characterized by their shape or the way they erupt."

That leads us to wonder, how are the rest categorized? That's not to mention that the composition of the magma and the rock forming the volcano are part of the categorization scheme. And last but not least, Lauren shares this final bit of demiknowledge:

"Most volcanoes form around the Pacific Ocean in an area known as the Ring of Fire. Other famous volcanoes are located in Iceland, Europe and on the bottom of Atlantic Ocean floor."

All of which leaves more questions to be asked than knowledge imparted. The sad fact is that this scientifically illiterate freelancer is apparently a teacher with a masters degree in education. Sad, huh? At least we know Lauren is an award-winning teacher: this is her second Dumbass of the Day award for botching basic science and her third overall.

SI - VOLCANOES