Four-Poster to Canopy for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMXCI

four-poster canopy bed

Many of our more... "interesting" nominees can be attributed to freelancers who have done little more than attempt to reword the work of other freelancers; in particular rewriting something that had originally been written by someone who knew nothing about the topic. The further one gets from the original – if there even was an original – the more ridiculous the result. It's pretty obvious that today's nominee, Regina Edwards, knew nothing about "How to Convert My Four Poster Bed Into a Canopy Bed" at Hunker.com; but what's worse is that she based her instructions on a post at another content farm, WiseGEEK.com. The result, as they say, was not pretty. 

Edwards started out with the anodyne, if grammatically suspect, claim that,

"A canopy bed conveys [sic] privacy and romance in a bedroom..."

...before launching into a set of instructions that, to be polite, makes no effin' sense. According to Regina, here's what you do:

1. "Measure the distance between the top of each post and cut the wooden dowel or spindle to fit your canopy rods..."
2. "Position one canopy rod between two posts and use the level to make sure the rod is even..."
3. "Screw one end of the rod into the post. Repeat on the other end."
4. "Repeat Steps 2 and 3 for the remaining three sides of the bed..."
5. "...stain or paint the canopy rods to complement [sic] your bed frame."

Had Leaf Group ported her list of "things you'll need" from the original at eHow, it might have helped... a little. Unfortunately, Regina neglected, even then, to include the most important "need" – something she called a "canopy rod"; although she did opine that you'll need "wooden screws."

In reality, you can buy something called a canopy rod, but what the dowels have to do with the marriage of posts and rod is impossible to determine from her text. So, too, is it impossible to figure out how to "Screw... the rod into the post" – perhaps this is Regina's version of "mount the hardware"? All of which raises the question, WTF is that "wooden dowel or spindle" supposed to be doing, anyway?

No, it's pretty obvious that Edwards had only a vague idea of how to convert a four-poster to a canopy, and the WiseGEEK post by Josie Myers only made things worse. It sure looks like being a Dumbass of the Day is contagious...

DDIY - FURNITURE