A Homemade Grooming Table for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCXLVI

DIY grooming table

Some of the freelance writers who infested the original eHow.com in the site's earliest days developed a technique that served their bank accounts well, although it rarely served the web surfers who stumbled over their output. Simply put, when asked a how-to question, the contributor (as eHow called them) would find a blog describing doing the project and just reword it. eHow put a stop to this in later years because blogs are notoriously unauthoritative, but early examples are still out there. Today's nominee is one such example, "HOW TO MAKE A HOMEMADE DOG GROOMING TABLE" [CAPS theirs] by returning DotD J. Lang Wood (moved from eHow to Mom.com, a website Leaf Group appears to have sold off).

Cutting Table Legs for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCXXXVII

sawing a table leg

The freelancers who wrote for eHow.com were required to write a short (75 to 100 words) "introduction" for their posts; a demand that often revealed the writer's utter lack of knowledge about the topic at hand. After Google's Panda II update took the metaphorical wind out of many a content farm's sails, only the most desperate freelancers were left scrounging for "titles to write to" at eHow.com. That apparently includes Kate McFarlin, an insurance agent with "extensive experience in covering... home improvement." That's hard to believe, given McFarlin's mishandling of the HomeSteady.com post, "How to Lower the Height of a Table."

Furniture Modification for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMXCIII

Nail this, Josie?

Interestingly enough, every once in a while we come across a new nomination by following the "references" cited by previous DotD winners; which reminds us a great deal of a sort of blind-leading-the-blind series. That's just what happened today, anyway: a few days back, we saw that clueless "professional writer" Regina Edwards had cited the Josie Myers WiseGEEK.com post, "How do I Make a Canopy Bed?" when attempting her own instructions for a four-poster-to-canopy bed conversion. Somehow Edwards managed to extract the single most doofus suggestion Myers made and run with it. Huh: how about that...

Four-Poster to Canopy for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMXCI

four-poster canopy bed

Many of our more... "interesting" nominees can be attributed to freelancers who have done little more than attempt to reword the work of other freelancers; in particular rewriting something that had originally been written by someone who knew nothing about the topic. The further one gets from the original – if there even was an original – the more ridiculous the result. It's pretty obvious that today's nominee, Regina Edwards, knew nothing about "How to Convert My Four Poster Bed Into a Canopy Bed" at Hunker.com; but what's worse is that she based her instructions on a post at another content farm, WiseGEEK.com. The result, as they say, was not pretty. 

Bed Post Repair by Dummies - The Freelance Files MMLXXXIII

Split Bedpost

We have a couple of staffers who routinely build their own furniture. We're not talking fancy-schmancy stuff; mostly bookcases and the occasional table ("occasional table," get it?) That's probably why they aren't particularly forgiving when they run across some clueless freelancer attempting to explain woodworking, especially when it comes to working with furniture. The level of peeve just rises when said freelancer pretends to have gotten their "how-to" information from a source that didn't even address the task in question. With that in mind. here's their response to "How to Fix a Broken Bed Post," a post by Jean Asta at eHow.com (now living at SFGate.com).

Table Repairs of the Dummy Variety

table leg bracket

Many of the staff believe that they could recognize a how-to article written by one of the freelancers at the former eHow.com just by reading through the "things you'll need" list. They're probably right: along with the planks, beams, and circular saws that show up in almost every post involving woodworking; you can expect to find a reference to "metal corner braces" whenever something wooden needs repairs. You know, like the botched job of "How to Install a Table Leg Brace" that John Walker wrote for HomeSteady.com.

A Plank Table for Woodworking Dummies

Plank dining table

Somewhere along the line – about 2010, we think – eHow.com began to require contributors  to provide references for their posts. That caused a lot of problems for the ones who were just making stuff up, but the smarter ones figured out that the trick was to "cite" a book or magazine article unavailable online. That way the content editors couldn't look it up without a trip to the library. Sneaky! and it allowed the writers to continue to collect those glorious stipends. Here's an example a staffer noticed not long ago: the Hunker.com post "How to Make a Plank-Style Dining Table,"¹ posted by Amma Marfo (perhaps using the name Margaret Telsch-Williams at the time).

Display Cabinets, the Curiously Dummy Design

We don't see no 2-by-4s, Joe!

We run across some pretty strange concepts once in a while, and this one has to be one of the strangest in a long time. Here's the background: our founder inherited a collection of Matchbox® cars when his father-in-law passed on, and he decided to put them in a little display cabinet. If you'd like to see his design for the cabinet, well he actually wrote a blog post of his own. He thinks it's cool; YMMV. What brought this discussion about? someone nominated the OurPastimes.com post "How to Make a Hot Wheels Display Cabinet"¹ for DotD... and we're happy to present the award to Joseph McAllister.

A Custom Desk Built by Dummies

Poorly-designed furniture leg

The phrase "jerry-built" has a longish history, but for most of its existence it's referred to poorly or cheaply constructed items, stuff that wouldn't hold up under everyday use. We have no idea who Jerry was or why he's slandered in this manner, but them's the breaks. The reason we're here today, however, is that one of the staffers turned up a modern-day Jerry, at least based on one of her eHow posts. She's Kasandra Rose, and her topic (now at HomeSteady.com) was "How to Make a Melamine Desk."

Tabletops for Dummies (Redux)

Hardwood flooring coffee table

The folks (Demand Media Studios¹) who ran eHow.com expressly forbade using their own content as a reference: apparently they were aware of how useless it could be. It looks as though that did not, however, stop their contributors from rehashing similar, previous posts written by other people who also didn't know what they were talking about. We ran across one of those just today: "How to Make a Coffee Table Using Hardwood Flooring," posted by returning DotD Lisa Wampler and moved first to Hunker.com and then to HomeSteady.com by Leaf Group.

Coffee Table Height for Dummies

Coffee Table

We got tired of looking at freelancer posts about bike tires written by people who hadn't ridden a bicycle since getting their driver's licenses... so we looked elsewhere. Our gaze just happened to fall upon a topic about which no one here had given much thought: changing the height of a table. We've seen something like this before, but this time the approach was a little different. Let's take a look at what Jack. S. Waverly had to say to HomeSteady.com on the topic of "How to Adjust Coffee Table Height."¹

Bed Rails for Dummies

hollywood frame

Our research team members spend quite a bit of time wandering about the 'net looking for easily-recognized bogosity. They tell us that one of easiest ways to find a bogus answer in the family of eHow.com niche sites is to look for a stupid question. It's a pretty safe bet that one of the greedier eHow.com contributors snapped it up and compiled a bogus answer. After all, DMS¹ never let you say, "You can't!" Instead, you were required to write 300 words or so in three or more steps. That's just what Erin Ringwald did for Homesteady.com in "How to Convert Full Size Bed Rails to Queen Size"; as opposed to saying, "That's a stupid question!"