Toilet Repair Tips by Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCXIV

modern toilet valve

Sometimes when our staffers gambol through the fertile fields of the local content farms, they get the distinct impression that there are people who will write bullshit about any topic as long as they can pick up a few pennies for minimal effort. The worst are, of course, the ones who stuffed their content with keywords (even though Google has long been onto this supposed "one tiny trick") even while knowing little or nothing about the topic at hand. One of the worst sites for this rubbish – maybe even worse than eHow – is the site EzineArticles.com. Despite their claim that "EzineArticles.com brings real-world experts and ezine publishers together"...really, WTF does that even mean?... most of their content is dreck like the Lora Davis article, "Toilet Repair Tips."

Like most content at EzineArticles, Davis' post is so general as to be of no use other than the links to businesses scattered around the world that are invariably found in the last paragraph. Inquiring minds what to know: do the "authors" write those, or are they added by the company? Whatever.

Here's why we tapped Lora as today's nominee, however. When we think of problems with a toilet, the most common issues most DIY plumbers need to address are,

replacing the valve adjusting the valve replacing the flapper Our staffers have worked on dozens of flaky commodes over the decades, and they can tell you with some certainty that Davis hasn't lifted the lid off a tank since the 1980s. We say that because she remains under the impression that, "...the device that is designed to enable the water tank of the toilet to fill up without overflowing... has a floating ball attached to a lever...."

Ummm, no, Lora, that design has long since been replaced by a float that rides the outside of the valve. The long rod with a copper football on the end of it is gone, though obviously not forgotten.  Even if Davis had been right about the type of valve in modern toilets, her "tip" for repairing one leaves much to be desired:

"...[adjust] the ballcock... the device that is designed to enable the water tank of the toilet to fill up without overflowing. It has a floating ball attached to a lever, which is attached to the valve that connects to the inflow of the water into the tank."

And that's that. Assuming you have a ballcock and it hasn't rotted away, you can follow Lora's simplistic instructions, unless the float has a hole in it. In that case, you'll need to replace the whole works, an eventuality Davis never bothered to mention. As for the flapper, which – being rubber – deteriorates in time, allowing water to leak from the tank into the bowl? Well, Lora's treatise on tips doesn't even mention this component.

No, she's more concerned with replacing the seat "because it can become loose and start to wiggle when you sit down." We suggest that you just tighten the nuts instead of buying a new seat. And then there's plunging a clog, which Lora seemed to think prevented the bowl from filling:

"...push down vigorously several times to free the clog so the toilet can empty and fill back up."

Actually, you have to flush again for it to refill, Lora.

Between Davis not understanding how toilets function and failing to be familiar with modern valves (not to mention flappers), we feel perfectly justified in naming her our Dumbass of the Day. So there.

DDIY - PLUMBING