Tool Box Locks for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCLXXXIII

Craftsman toolbox lock

Freelancer twaddle in general irritates the heck out of our staff, but there's almost nothing in the canon of freelance crapola that is more irritating than how-to instructions that are utterly useless to people out there asking the internet for help. Today's nominee, returning DotD Artesia Peluso, committed such a sin when she baldly lied about her "expertise" in approaching the question of "How to Replace a Lock on a Craftsman Toolbox" for HomeSteady.com.

Not to be confused with someone who knew locks from smoked salmon, Peluso rattled off useless instructions for anyone, intoning in her introduction that,

"If you lock yourself out of your Craftsman toolbox or purchase a used one with a defective lock you can replace the lock," before going on to explain that, "the Craftsman brand is a popular choice among mechanics and DYI enthusiast who own lots of tools."

Duh. That being said, it's a safe bet that you cannot use Artesia's "instructions," such as they are, to remove a lock whether the box is open or not. Required by the nice people at eHow.com (original site of this dross) to have at least three steps and 150 to 300 words, Peluso's first step consisted of,

"Look for the white model number/serial r [sic] sticker on the back or bottom of the toolbox."

We don't know about Artesia, but none of the three Craftsman toolboxes at AN headquarters has a "white... sticker" on it. Maybe once upon a time, but ours have actually been used. Whatever the case, Peluso wanted people to go to the Craftsman website to order a replacement lock. Bzzzzzzt! No longer available. You can, however find many a replacement lock at Amazon...

But that's no big deal, because you'd never get that far following Artesia's instructions, anyway. Here's how she told people to remove the old lock:

"Use a drill and drill out the rivets until you free the lock from the toolbox frame." It you'll look at the image above of a real Craftsman tool chest (something Artesia had probably never seen), you'll note that the lock isn't held in place by rivets. On this model, at least, the lock body is held in place by a spring clip on the inside of the rail. If the box is open, you can remove it with a screwdriver or pliers. If the box is closed and locked, you'll need to either pick the lock or drill it out. Of course, once you have the new one, you need to put it in place. More hilarity ensued, however, as Peluso instructed her readers to,

"Affix the lock with screws and screw them in with the drill. Add washers to the back of the screws to secure them on tightly."

Wait, "add washers"? Did our Dumbass of the Day even know what a washer is? A screw? Maybe a nut and bolt? Somehow we doubt it...

DDIY - SECURITY