Barns and Lofts for Dummy Builders

Hay Loft in Barn

Sometimes our research staffers stumble over a DotD candidate while researching a problem or project, other times they're on the lookout for a specific flavor of dumbassery. We found today's awardee, an eHowian using the name Becky Lower, while on the hunt for our recent "2-by-4 Week." That was our series featuring articles in which nominal 2-inch lumber was called "2-foot" lumber. That's how the team first found "How to Build a Loft Inside a Barn"¹ at HomeSteady.com; but it's not this writer's only problem...

Our team, of course, wondered whether the idea was to build a finished loft or just a hayloft – although the country kids among them asserted that any barn needing a hayloft already has one. Whatever the case, Lower made a complete mess of the project, beginning with a materials list that included

• 2-foot by 12-foot ledger boards
• Pressure-treated lumber, 2 feet by 12 feet

Really? first, what is a "ledger board"? Second, does Becky realize that a kiln-dried pine board 2 feet by 12 feet (if such a thing were possible) would weigh more than 900 pounds per running foot, and pressure treated lumber that size (even more unlikely) could weigh almost a ton per foot? Stupid content editor...

We didn't flag any of the 2-by-4 week awardees solely on the basis of the lumber measurements, however, and Lower (a romance novelist with the cliché J-school degree) is no exception. Feast your DIY construction eyes on some of her instructions:

"Set the support beams. Building a loft is similar to adding a deck to a house. You need beams on either side of your joists to hold the metal brackets. Determine the location of your support beams, based on the type of loft you are building, and attach a ledger board to the support beam, using eight-inch wood anchors. Pre-drill the holes every two feet, alternating top and bottom."

We're sorry, we have abso-friggin'-lutely no idea what "...to hold the metal brackets" is supposed to mean. And WTF are "eight-inch wood anchors"? Plus pre-drill what holes? It's possible that Becky plucked those phrases out of instructions for assembling a modular barn, but who knows? And then there's "Attach metal joist hangars [sic] with nails. These should be set on either end to accommodate your joists, and should be 16 inches apart." That might be from instructions for building a deck, since Lower claimed in her introduction that, "Building a loft is similar to adding a deck to a house." Then again, no self-respecting DIY deck builder would put it that way... or spell "hanger" that way... That's not to mention her scintillating style for laying out a staircase:

"Build a staircase from the floor of the barn to the loft, using two 2-inch by 12-inch pieces of lumber. Mark off the staircase on these boards, using a seven-inch drop per rung, and at least eight inches deep."

Yes, we think those (illiterate) instructions for cutting stringers are cribbed from deck-building instructions (although none are in her references). Suffice it to say that any poor schmuck who followed Lower's plans – if anyone could follow the dreck – would probably die when the loft collapsed. That's why this dangerous rubbish is a perfect candidate for Dumbass of the Day.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   www.ehow.com/how_6767997_build-loft-inside-barn.html
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