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Someone dug this hole with a
shovel? R-i-i-ight, Tom... |
You know about illiteracy and innumeracy, right? and the subcategories of scientific and geographic illiteracy, as well? We haven't looked, but there are probably historical and medical and culinary illiteracy, too; though the number of people addicted to cooking shows suggests that most of the usual suspects are familiar with the difference between baste and braise... Well, there seem to be quite a few freelancers out there who are "hardware illiterate" and their home, it seems, is that paragon of content farms, eHow.com. Over the past year or so we've seen freelancers misuse power tools and murder cutting tools, but some of the most astounding dumbassery arises from folks who are just talking through their hats -- folks like Tom Lutzenberger (him again!), caught pretending he's ever visited a hardware store in "Digging Tools for Gold Miners."¹
Tom's introduction (the eHow.com-required 75-100 words) sets the stage:
"Unlike gold panning, gold mining involves the use of equipment that specifically excavates earth and rock to aid the mining process. The equipment typically needs to be lightweight but durable and strong in terms of integrity. Many tools have a metal edge to bite into the earth and rock. Gold-mining tools can be purchased in different sizes, from hand dowels to foldable shovels for heavy work."
Notice Tom's errors? here: 1) You still need a shovel for gold panning to "excavate... earth and rock" : no kidding! 2) WTF is a "hand dowel"? Did he perhaps mean trowel, such as an archaeologist might use? Pretty useless for hard rock mining... OK, here are what Lutzenberger calls the essential tools. Perhaps Tom gets the tools right, but his explanations are hilarious; or would be hilarious if you didn't realize the dummy got paid for this bullshit.
- Hand Shovel: "The long blade design of the shovel helps with poking and prying small gold pieces loose without harming your fingers or hands." There's someone who's never a) used a shovel or b) seen a gold-mining operation
- Mining Pick: "Picks, available in both small and large sizes, are typically made of a strong metal such as steel." Such as steel? What else would you make a pick from, Tom: ceramics? Don't you mean "hardened steel"?
- Helmet Lighting: "Gold mining can involve going into crevasses and caves, making a helmet lamp a critical accessory." What is it with this guy and finding gold in caves? And since when is a light a "digging tool"?
- Hammer Drills: "Automated and designed to provide the benefits of a jackhammer, this tool can make quick work of basic stone and compacted earth, excavating significant amounts of area quickly." What on earth is this "compacted earth" rubbish? And for what it's worth, hammer drills (and jackhammers) don't "excavate"...
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Nope... Tom demonstrates his ignorance of gold mining (we think he's confused it with prospecting) and his only passing familiarity with hardware. He doesn't even mention the phrase "hard rock," which our staff mining engineer suggests should figure prominently in this content -- but doesn't. For his contribution to the stupidification of the internet, all in a search for freelance pennies, the Antisocial Network hereby awards Tom Lutzenberger yet another Dumbass of the Day. |
¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was ehow.com/info_8219424_digging-tools-gold-mining.html
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SE - HAND TOOLS
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