Mining for Gold, the Dummies Version

Someone dug this hole with a
shovel? R-i-i-ight, Tom...

You know about illiteracy and innumeracy, right? and the subcategories of scientific and geographic illiteracy, as well? We haven't looked, but there are probably historical and medical and culinary illiteracy, too; though the number of people addicted to cooking shows suggests that most of the usual suspects are familiar with the difference between baste and braise... Well, there seem to be quite a few freelancers out there who are "hardware illiterate" and their home, it seems, is that paragon of content farms, eHow.com. Over the past year or so we've seen freelancers misuse power tools and murder cutting tools, but some of the most astounding dumbassery arises from folks who are just talking through their hats -- folks like Tom Lutzenberger (him again!), caught pretending he's ever visited a hardware store in "Digging Tools for Gold Miners."¹

Tom's introduction (the eHow.com-required 75-100 words) sets the stage:

Gold Prospecting for Dummies

Placer gold sample

Gold fever: it seizes its victims by their wallets and almost never lets go. It can be so powerful that places like Sutter's Mill and the Yukon Territory are forever linked in popular lore with the yellow stuff; so popular that one NFL football team¹ owes its name to the precious metal. And yes, whenever the price of gold rises, people start searching the internet for how to get rich quick. And yes, freelancing bozos such as eHow.com's Tom Lutzenberger stand at the ready to underinform, misinform, and just plain bullshit whoever find their content via an ill-considered click on a search result. Under-information (mixed with a plenty of misinformation) can be found at the center of a mother lode site post that Tom and eHow titled "Gold Nuggets Found in Arizona."² The title itself doesn't make much sense, but Lutzenberger's text is even less useful.

Gold for Dummy Business Types

Gold fever: yeehah! when the price of gold topped $1800/ounce a couple of years ago, people everywhere went crazy figuring out how to strike it rich overnight (without hard work, that is), and the denizens of eHow.com were happy to... let's be nice and say "help." Well, as much help as eHow usually provides, anyway, given that their stable of journalism and English majors aren't particularly good at getting across any information that might be considered science-y a wannabe prospectors might need. A case in point? have a look at eHowian Diane Bacher (a "certified business energy professional," whatever that is) as she mangles the contents of "Geological and Geographical Characteristics of Gold Mines" at Leaf Group niche BizFluent.com (now relocated to Sciencing.com, but still as stupid).

Untold Wealth for Dummy Arkansans

Native gold

When it comes to freelancers spreading misinformation, almost no topic appears to be more fertile than get-rich quick schemes. Thanks to a rather stupid TV "reality" show about panning for gold, bazillions of people became convinced that they could wander into the nearest trickle of water with a bowl from the kitchen and pan up fist-sized gold nuggets with just a few minutes' work. Freelancers like lperry (Lisa Perry) over at Seekyt.com were happy to feed gold fever, if only to make a few pennies off someone else's greed. Lisa shared her bit of misinformation in an article she called "Strike It Rich Panning For Gold In Arkansas."¹

In actuality, Lisa doesn't say jack about the process of panning, where you might pan for gold, or how much you might find. In a burst of honesty that seems quite out of character for freelance writers on Seekyt, Lisa says not once but twice that people panning for gold in Arkansas will find flecks of gold the size of a flea's knee instead of massive lumps.