Lag Screws for Total Dummies

Lag screw for repairing a bone fracture

It may seem sexist and ageist, but there are some times when the adage "Never send a boy to do a man's job" seems particularly apt. We here at the Antisocial Network, however, believe that the internet equivalent of that adage is along the line of "Never send a dumbass freelancer to do a knowledgeable person's job." Yeah, it's clumsy. We need to work on it. In the meantime, though, here's a classic case of a dumbass freelancer, a guy named Tyler Lacoma (of eHow), expounding on a topic that he had to look up himself: "Lag Screw Information."¹

We know he had to look it up because, based on his introduction, he clearly knew nothing about lag screws or their use (most of his information is reworded from the rather weird Lag Screws: What They Are and How to Use Them):

"Lag screws are designed for use in construction. They are built specifically to hold large amounts of weight, and are used primarily in large building projects (such as building a swing and attaching it to an existing structure). Lag screws are also known as lag bolts because of their large size. Lag screws are often used in wood of all kinds."

Sorry, Tyler, but you got some things wrong:

• Lag screws aren't "built specifically to hold large amounts of weight" ("built"? Did you mean "designed"?).
• We don't think that "building a swing and attaching it to an existing structure" would normally be considered a "large building project."
• Lag screws are often confused with lag bolts, but it's not because of "their large size."
• Although lag screws are often used  for "wood of all kinds," they're also used in other settings (see the image above).

We suspect that Lacoma's educational experience (business and writing) didn't include any building projects... whatever. Tyler goes on to tell people that "Many lag screws come in two parts, one with a base that the screw is turned into." A two-part screw? Isn't that what knowledgeable people would call a "bolt"? As to lag screw sizes, Lacoma claims that "Lengths range from around 1/4 inch (which is rare for typical lag screw uses) to 6 inches. Diameters typically range from 1.5 mm to 4.5 mm." Umm, Tyler, we doubt there's any such thing as a 1/4-inch lag screw... and we're not so sure any are "1.5 mm to 4.5 mm" in diameter -- that's 1/16 to 3/16 in imperial units. Whatever the case, the ultimate in  Tylerisms is his conclusion: "When lag screws are first installed, a hole must be drilled in the wood to make room for them. This hole should always be slightly smaller than the lag screw itself, but create enough room for the screw to be drilled into the hole afterward." Lacoma never gets around to explaining why they're called "lag screws"; which is because they "lag" two workpieces together. To use a lag screw, you drill a clearance hole large enough for the shank through the outer workpiece and a pilot hole for the threaded section on the inner piece -- that way, the threads pull the two boards together.

Tyler obviously didn't know that before writing his post, and anyone unlucky enough to find this dreck online won't know it after reading it. That's all the information we need to give Mr. Lacoma his second Dumbass of the Day award this month... Oh, and Tyler? the next time one of your fraternity brothers breaks a leg playing lacrosse, he may end up with a screw or two in the bone... a lag screw.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/about_6383272_lag-screw-information.html

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