Linear Feet, the Dummies Version (Again!)

Installing window film

Our editorial team just realized that yesterday marked the second anniversary of the first time we awarded the Dumbass of the Day. That was to an eHow.com twinkie who performed a woefully inadequate job of describing radiometric dating. The people at Leaf Group have moved that post to Sciencing.com now, but it's still stupid. But we digress... We've seen a bunch of repeating themes in the eHow world over those two years, and one of them is the contributors' failure to understand the concept of linear feet. For some reason, they all think that it's the straight-line measurement of something, and repeat offender Charlotte Johnson follows suit in "How to Calculate Linear Feet for Windows" at HomeSteady.com.

Johnson; a self-described musician, educator and writer who's also a seven-time winner of the DotD; is no different from others who've already botched similar questions. Even if she were correct in her introduction...

"The term 'linear feet' is used by builders to determine the amount of material needed for a project. You might have to measure your windows in terms of linear feet if you plan to install molding or trim. A linear foot is equal to a regular foot, or 12 inches. You can determine the linear feet of windows by making some basic measurements and performing a few simple calculations." ...she'd still be wrong in her methodology: if you want to measure for molding around a windows, simply measuring the height and width of the window will leave you short – you have to allow for the width of the molding as well. That's stupid Charlotte, just stupid.

But Charlotte's biggest problem is that she has no idea what she's talking about or what the OQ wanted to know. When people ask about measuring "linear feet," they almost always want to how to determine how much of a product of predetermined width they must order. Take, for instance, window film. If the film is 60" wide, you have to do more than simply measure the length and width of the windows; you need to figure out the most efficient cutting pattern for strips that are already five feet wide.

Charlotte's answer...

1. Measure the length and width of each window.
2. Divide the length of the window by 12 to find the linear feet in terms of length.
3. Divide the width of the window by 12 to find the linear feet in terms of width.
4. Add linear feet if necessary in order to estimate the amount of materials you will need. 

...simply will not work. Oh, sure, if you're measuring for trim molding, that'll get you close, though you'll end up significantly short. But if you're measuring for film, screen, draperies, or other material sold in predetermined widths, Johnson's answer is essentially worthless. Maybe even worse than worthless.

Once again, eHow's how-not-to instructions fall short of the mark. It's no wonder the site produces so many Dumbass of the Day candidates, or that Charlotte's picking up her eighth award and sixth in the category of mathematics. Duh.

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