Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Wood Filler for Dummies - The Freelance Files CMXXIII

     Among the Antisocial Network staffers we have many a DIY woodworker and home repair type; people who've pulled off projects anywhere from hanging a picture to replacing a porch to building a garage. It tends to be hard to get fake experience past people who've actually done a project, which is why one of them flagged eHowian Darla Ferrara and her bogus "Minwax Wood Filler Directions" at HomeSteady.com.
Frankly, we're here because Ferrara had so little knowledge of the subject that she couldn't even do a passable job of copy-reword-paste of the instructions off Minwax's website. A "professional journalist," according to LinkedIn, Ferrara opened with the monumentally ill-informed statement,
"There are two primary uses for wood filler. The right filler can bring out the beauty of grain or it can do what the name suggests --- fill holes in a wood surface."
We defy anyone to explain how a wood filler can "bring out the beauty of grain" -- we have to assume she conflated some copy off a Minwax stain can with that on a wood filler can or confused grain fillers with wood fillers. But we digress. Darla's information is that,
"Minwax produces two forms of filler as of 2011, stainable and high performance. Minwax High Performance Wood Filler is for big jobs, such as large holes or cracks in the exterior of a house. Stainable is a product that fills smaller areas that need refinishing."
Well, that is at least (partially) true, though "smaller areas that need refinishing" sells Minwax's product short -- it's more often used before applying a finish at all, rather than before refinishing. However, we need to get to the award portion of our program... Several staffers have used both products, and they were frankly nonplussed by Darla's "instructions." We'll begin with the high-performance stuff, which is a two-part epoxy (something Darla fails to explain) and is usually used along with a wood hardener:
    
  • "Wood hardener is a spray-on product you can apply up to 4 hours prior to adding the filler." No, Darla, you apply the wood hardener with a brush: it would destroy a sprayer in one use (it destroys brushes...).
  • "Scoop out a handful of the filler and put it on the lid or into a mixing container. Add a 3/4- to 1-inch line of hardener to the filler compound and mix it with your hand." Is this woman nuts? "Mix it with your hand"??? The actual directions clearly say to avoid skin contact! You use a putty knife, dumbass!
  • "Dip your finger into the compound and spread a thin layer over the surface of the damaged area. This will help the remaining filler to stick." Again with the hands? We repeat, the actual directions say, "Always wear high-quality chemical resistant rubber gloves." Idiot.

Ferrara goes on to (attempt to) explain how to fill holes, sand, and finish this stuff before going on to simply reword a set of directions for the stainable filler -- those, she got mostly right. By this time, however, she's already endangered her readers with dangerously stupid instructions. Is it any wonder Darla is collecting another Dumbass of the Day award?

DDIY - WOODWORKING

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