Mail Slots for Dummy Remodelers

A through the wall mail slot

For those who own a house and actually understand it, the notion of cutting holes through an exterior wall is downright terrifying. Exterior walls, in case you weren't aware of it, are a lot more complex than they look; not to mention that they're there for more than just holding up the roof. If you don't know what you're doing, it's not a good idea to cut holes in them for such things as doggy doors... or, as readers of Aryeh Raphael and eHow.com might note, for "How to Make a Mail Slot in the Wall."

 As is typical of eHowians, Raphael provided a single "reference," and it didn't actually have anything to do with "making" a mail slot – it was just some business about which mail slots are easiest for your mail carrier to use. Given that lack of information, Aryeh apparently decided to wing it. That's where he came up with a pretty stupid set of what he called "instructions."

Step 1, per Aryeh: "Mark the exact place on the exterior wall where you want to install your mail slot." – Shouldn't you check the wall for wiring? Find a location between studs? Aryeh's Step 2: "Hold the slot against the wall while marking its complete outline and the places for the mounting screws, uisng [sic] a pencil and ruler." – Wait: draw the outline? Shouldn't there be an escutcheon on the slot, so your cut is smaller? Sure, there should... ...3: "Drill holes in the wall at all four corners of the mail slot outline." – Why? (we know, but he never says).

• "Cut the wall with a jigsaw, following the outline you drew." – Wonder if Aryeh is aware that the wall is at least four inches thick, and a jigsaw won't cut that...
• ...4: "Place the mail slot in the wall opening. Mail slots usually consist of two parts, an exterior part and an interior part. Both are installed in the same manner. They simply need to be clicked and fitted together before each one is finally screwed to the wall." – We're pretty sure that anyone who's ever done this wishes it were that easy!

Raphael left out some pretty important information there, including but not limited to:

• Locating the slot between studs and checking for wiring, etc., in the wall.
• Using the template that comes with the slot. Hell, using the instructions that come with the slot!
• Those holes you want them to drill are for fitting a saw blade through the wall, Aryeh.
• You need to perform the same steps on the inside of the wall.
• The parts don't just "click together," you yutz.
• You MUST weatherproof the exterior of the slot with caulk, otherwise it'll leak like a sieve. 

Once again, it looks like eHow.com paid some dorm-dweller to make up home repair instructions. Once again, the work is of Dumbass of the Day quality. Why are we not surprised?

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DDIY - WALLS