A Dog Ramp for Dummies

Indoor pet ramp (see curtains?)

The contributors at eHow.com (now Leaf Group) came up with some pretty weak attempts to provide how-to instructions over the years, many times because the person writing the post had no more idea "how to" than did the person (the "OQ") who originally asked the question. You have to wonder how pleased the OQ would be with some of the answers, especially if they're as limp and unhelpful as the answer Laura N. Stuart had for someone wanting to know "How to Make an Outdoor Pet Ramp" at SFGate.com.

Based on what Stuart committed to text, it's difficult to tell whether she'd ever even had a pet, much less built a ramp for the poor creature. Here's how she opened her post:

"Pets don't always look for stairs or the safest way down from a high back porch. As a pet owner, building a ramp is an easy solution to avoid surgery or high vet bills."

In all honesty, no one here at the AN has ever known anyone whose pet needed surgery or incurred "high vet bills" because it was too dumb to take the stairs. We're all pretty convinced that the OQ wanted to know how to build a ramp for an aging dog or possibly for a dog with a crippling injury or disease. But anticipating a flying leap? Naaaah....
Whatever the case, it would behoove anyone who does want to build a ramp, for whatever reason, to find some plans somewhere else, because what Stuart wrote is essentially useless. Here are some of her more... interesting statements:

• "Measure where the ends will go. They should be an equal distance apart from one another." – Huh? What does that even mean?
• "Chalk the spot so you can calculate how steep you want the ramp." – No, Laura, you determine how steep the ramp should be (probably no steeper than 2-3 inches of rise per foot: steeper than a wheelchair ramp, but not as steep as the ramp Laura used as an example (reproduced above).
• "Build the frame of the ramp. Take two planks and attach them to the posts in the back from the previous step." – What previous step? What posts?
• "Put the plywood in the middle of the posts." – Huh? Where is "in the middle of the posts," anyway?
• "Using smaller slats, cover the plywood to make the structure more attractive and easier on the pet's feet." – We think she's talking about adding strips across the ramp to improve traction, but one can never be sure...

The image that Stuart included, for what it's worth, is an indoor ramp designed to allow little Fifi to climb up on a bed: it is certainly not an outdoor ramp. It's a safe bet that, unless you had plans of your own, you'd never be able to build a ramp from the outline submitted by our Dumbass of the Day.

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