Pergola Post Installation for Dummies

Squaring posts for a project

Then it comes to doofus instruction sets available on line, the eHow.com crop of freelancers was the source of many of the most curious procedural boo-boos we've run across. More than a few of them had some pretty bizarre notions of what tools to use and how to use them when they were writing up their lists of steps. One of the most curious blind spots seems to be in the use of basic carpenter's tools, tools such as the square and the level. Oh, Elizabeth Punke got hammer and nails pretty much right for her Hunker.com post "How to Square Posts for a Pergola," but when it came to other tools? Not so hot...

Punke's been here before (four times), though this is her first foray into the use of simple hand tools. For this project, Liz envisions a pergola with four posts forming a rectangle. Our staff pergola-builder says that she started out more or less OK by staking out the outline of the pergola. She was a little fuzzy, he thought, on the purpose of the posts and what it means to square them:

"Once the posts for the foundation have been squared, leveling them will further ensure the project's success."

We weren't aware that pergolas have foundations; nonetheless we're really interested in this "leveling them" step. Do tell, Liz! But first, let's see how she squares the posts:

"Drive a stake into the ground where the first post of the pergola will be placed. Measure from the stake to where the second post should be placed and drive the second stake into the ground. Repeat for the third and fourth stakes so you have a square or rectangular layout for your pergola."

Well, yeah, but the hard part – the actual squaring of the posts – is how you perform this "measuring" step. Liz?

"Make a mark on the string 3 feet away from the first stake in one direction and 4 feet from the stake in the other direction. The diagonal measurement between the two points should be 5 feet, which creates a right angle. If it is not 5 feet, the corner is not square and you can adjust the positioning of the other stakes to achieve the 5-foot measurement."

We submit that the wise person lays out two stakes and then uses the 3-4-5 right triangle trick to position the third. Then they can repeat the process to position the fourth corner. The clumsiness of Punke's instructions makes it pretty unlikely that you'd get it right on the first or even second try. Oh, and you run a line past the corners to make certain you can properly align the posts once they're in place (see image above). Didn't get that, didja, Liz?

After advising her readers to,

"Dig a hole a foot deep for the pergola posts in place of each stake,"

Punke says to drop the posts in concrete and brace them with 2-by-4s, although she's mum on just how the bracing works (probably because she didn't know). It's now that we learn how scant Elizabeth's knowledge of carpentry tools really is:

"Place the level on top of each post to ensure they are level."

No one cares whether the top of a post is level, Elizabeth! What the pergola-builder wants to know is whether the posts are plumb (you may have to look that word up) and if they're positioned square to the outline of the pergola. You screwed that up by thinking that layout consists of a string connecting four corner stakes, you blithering idiot!
Does this freelancer really think that's how you square posts for your pergola? Does eHow-slash-Leaf Group really think that kind of bull is helpful to DIYers? If yes, then both of them deserve a Dumbass of the Day award!

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