Men's Bike Shorts as Reviewed by Dummies

men's bike shorts

Few things are quicker to raise the ire of one of our staffers than fake reviews. A shopper looking for real experience with a product is supposed to be able to depend on the reviews websites and vendors post, but what happens when you realize that the person who wrote the review had never even seen the product? That's what our staffer figured was going on when he went to Amazon looking for a new pair of bike shorts and stumbled across Allie Fasanella and her editorial recommendation, "The Best Men's Bike Shorts."

Staff guy was a little taken aback at the notion that someone named "Allie" (which he assumes is short for Allison) was writing about men's bike shorts. Shouldn't she be writing about women's shorts... if at all? But what the heck: he took a look. Here's what he determined:

First, Fasanella's top three choices seem to have been nothing but the three most popular shorts when she penned the article. All three are in the category of "Chinese imports with 'names' designed to fit every Amazon search"; by which he means products with names like "Sportneer Men's Cycling Shorts 4D Coolmax Padded Bike Bicycle Pants Tights, Breathable & Absorbent." That's as opposed to the shorts he usually buys, which have product names like "CANARI Gel Century Shorts" or "PEARL IZUMI Men's Escape Quest Short." That is, of course, her call: she wants to send people to the most popular and cheapest shorts, after all, not the "best" – despite the title.
It's in Allie's text that we realized that Ms Fasanella is selling something she doesn't understand. Here is some of her verbiage, followed by our house cyclists' comments:

1. "Ideal styles should be equipped with breathable fabric, contain plenty of plush cushioning and allow you to move naturally."
2. "A six-panel anatomic design prevents chafing."
3. "Silicone grips ensure these won't slip down your leg..."
4. "3D gel-cushioned padding provides support for your seat bones..."
5. "Durable flatlock seams deliver maximum stretch and flexibility"
6. "...4D sponge cushioning reduces thigh strain and discomfort."
7. "Leg grips containing silicone give a better fit."

We're sure there was more, but this should be sufficient to show that Fasanella did nothing but reword some vendors' text that, frankly, she didn't understand. Here are the corrections:

1. You don't want "plush cushioning," Allie. You want solid, supportive cushioning that stays in place. Too soft is as bad as too hard...
2. Six-panel designs are intended to mimic the curvature of the legs and support the musculature of the thighs, not to "prevent chafing."
3. Silicone grippers prevent the shorts from creeping up, not "down your leg."
4. Padding on bike shorts does not cover the "seat bones," your glutes do that.
5. The purpose of flatlock seams is to provide a low, smooth profile; not "maximum stretch."
6. Cushioning has absolutely nothing to do with "thigh strain and discomfort"!
7. The leg grips are made of silicone, which keeps them from slipping. We guess that's a form of "better fit."

Nope, it's quite clear that not only is Fasanella not particularly familiar with men's bike shorts, she apparently knows next to nothing about bike shorts in general. We thing writing about something for money and being too lazy or hurried to actually learn about it is an excellent reason to name Allie our Dumbass of the Day.

NOTE: in an interesting aside, not long after the publication of this post, the offending article was reworded to correct the seven bogus statements. Others that weren't mentioned, however, were left in place... 

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