Tree House Steps for the Dummy Boomer

steps nailed to a tree

If he grew up anywhere near a large tree, pretty much every boomer-aged male had (or coveted) a tree house. Some even had "tree houses" that weren't in trees, just up on poles. Apparently the notion of such a getaway is still romantic among both men and women: more than one she shed is up off the ground. Now that boys no longer pull up the rope ladder to keep "enemy girls" out, some people are asking "How to Nail Steps in a Tree." Let's just hope they aren't looking to HomeSteady.com and Kenneth Crawford for advice.

In all honesty, we aren't really certain why someone would even ask the question. Perhaps the OQ was concerned that driving nails into the trunk would damage the tree which, we suppose, could be a concern. Other than that, we guess the only concern would be safety.
Crawford apparently thought so, too, which is probably why he went for some sturdy lumber:

"Cut steps from 2- by 4-inch pine, construction-grade lumber to a length of 12 inches to 16 inches with a circular saw."

Again with telling people what kind of saw to use... one of the hallmarks of eHow. Otherwise, it's probably OK, especially since boomers weigh more than eleven-year-olds (in some cases, a lot more). Next, Kenneth explains how to prepare your steps for mounting:

"Lay each step flat and place the end of the tape measure at the top of one side. Measure down 1 1/2 inches and make a mark with the pencil. Make another mark at the 2 1/2-inch measurement. Measure and mark the board 4 inches from each end... Drill pilot holes through the steps at each mark with an 1/8-inch drill bit."

Those instructions are pretty exact, especially the "mark the board 4 inches from each end" bit. In fact, it reads like Crawford was cribbing from instructions to make a ladder. It's rather strange, though, that his next step is to,

"...drill through the two center holes into the tree with the 1/8-inch bit, if it is possible to get a drill to the tree."

We hate to tell Kenny that a ¹⁄₈-inch bit isn't likely to be long enough to penetrate more than about ¼" of the tree... and hadn't he ever heard of a cordless drill? His readers are more likely to have one of those than a circular saw! But most of all, where did those center holes come from? And why did he say to drill holes 4" from the ends?
No, Crawford was pretty obviously faking it, especially since his one "reference" has no instructions whatsoever for nailing steps to a tree (it's about safety in deer stands). Bogosity like that is precisely why Crawford, who already owns six of them, is picking up yet another Dumbass of the Day award. Any questions?

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