Cheap Carports Done by Dummies

The roof isn't a tarp, Carole...

In the early days of eHow.com the site's "contributors" weren't required to provide supporting references for their posts, which may explain why somewhere around 2011 DMS¹ suddenly decided to make them do so. That's probably because some of the most crapalicious of the content was cobbled together by English and journalism students who basically spitballed ideas. Take, for instance, the question submitted by some poor schmuck, "How to Build a Cheap Carport,"² which was answered (if you can call it that) by "real estate journalist" Carole Ellis, aka Carole Vansickle.

While Wikipedia maintains that a carport usually has at least one closed side, Ellis decided to create something that could charitably be considered a canopy. In creating her "plans," Carole demonstrated poor grasp of not only construction techniques, but also the entire notion of a carport. In short, here's what this brilliant freelancer said to do:

•  "Measure out a 12 by 12 foot square on the ground. The corners will be where your corner posts set [sic]." – Although she said that "," she said nothing about making the corners square, much less how to do so.
• "Dig your holes to 24 inches deep... Plant the [eight foot] 4 by 4 poles [sic] inside of the holes." – Apparently Carole didn't know anyone taller than about 5'6"
• "...level each pole off on all four sides. This means that you are making sure it is straight up and down as well as level on top." – How to you make the "poles" "level on top"? and what does "level on top" even mean? 
• "With your 12 foot 2-by-4s, construct a frame around the top rim of the posts. Flush the frame [sic] with the top of your posts." – We hope Ellis' readers made certain that the outer perimeter of her "poles" was actually 11 feet, 9 inches...
• And finally, Put up a 12-by-12 heavy-duty tarp by "looping grommet holes" over protruding screw heads. 

What's wrong with Carole's carport plans? Here are some of the many things...

• Cars are longer then twelve feet, so anywhere from two to seven feet of a vehicle would be exposed to the "harsh elements" the OQ wanted to avoid
• The instructions create a structure with clearance of less than six feet at the edges. Many vehicles wouldn't even fit in there!
• The tarp is 12x12 and the construct is also 12x12 (if you're lucky). Wouldn't it be better to have the tarp wrap over the edges of those 2-by-4s than screwed to the upper surface – if they'll even reach it?
• Only an idiot would ever think that a tarp, stretched flat and supported only at the edges, would (as Ellis claimed) "last for years." Without a slope, water and snow would collect in the middle and the tarp would sag and probably rip after the first substantial rain.

See why Ellis is our Dumbass of the Day? This is, after all, the same "creative writing" student who pounded out something we called the World's Worst Deck Plans. Duh.

¹ Demand Media Studios, then owner of eHow, which has since changed is name to Leaf Group.

² The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_4866076_build-cheap-carport.html

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