Bicycle Pumps for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCXXI

Different tire pumps

We find the capsule biographies of content-farm freelancer so be most instructive, especially when the author in question claims to be an expert or an enthusiast in a given topic. Take, for instance, today's nominee, WiseGEEK.com writer Malcolm Tatum. In his bio, Tatum allowed that "his interests include... cycling." That caught the eye of the house cyclist, who decided to search his WiseGEEK oeuvre for cycling-related content. Sure enough, up popped "What is a Bicycle Pump?" at an all-new wiseGEEK niche, WikiMotors.com. According to our staffer, about the only dumber answer to that question would probably involve women's shoes...

Tatum started out wrong-footed, according to our cyclists, when he opined that,

"Bicycle pumps are typically simplistic in design."

Besides his misuse of the word "simplistic" (he meant "simple"¹), pumps can be fairly complex. Given Malcolm's vague understanding of the product, however, perhaps he does think they're simple. After all, this is the guy who proclaimed that,

"Another common version of the bicycle pump is known as the hand pump."

We polled the cyclists on the staff, and not a one had ever heard of a "hand pump." Mini pumps, micro pumps, frame pumps, road pumps... yes; hand pumps, no. Given that Malcolm told his readers that,

"...this model can be held in the hands during the [sic] operation..."

...we wonder if he had seen someone use a frame pump once and decided that all such pumps are "hand pumps. Malcolm also shared such misinformation as,

"Both the hand and floor designs for the bicycle pump usually are equipped with a gauge that makes it possible to read the current amount of air pressure within the tire."

and

"Along with manually operated pumps, there are also versions of the bicycle pump that operate off battery power." The first is an overstatement – not all, perhaps not even most, mini pumps have a gauge – and the second is just plain weird. While there are a few batter-powered tire pumps, their weight is rather... robust. More to the point, Tatum utterly ignored the most common alternative to the "hand pump," CO2 inflators. Their light weight and small size make these devices favorites among hard-core cyclists, those with 17-pound machines and calves like iron. He also said nothing about dual-action "hand pumps," the ones that pump air on both strokes of the pump handle. Gotta wonder why he didn't mention that.

Whatever the case, it's fairly clear that Tatum's interest in cycling is rather vague; perhaps the sort of bike rider who rides a local trail for a few miles on a weekend afternoon. That is probably why our repeat Dumbass of the Day (this is his fourth award) has such limited knowledge of his topic.

¹ Simplistic means "treating complex issues or problems as simple to resolve"; a condition sometimes known as "bumper-sticker mentality."

DD - BICYCLES