Chalk for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCLV

Modern coccolithophore

Today's nominee, making another of her frequent visits to these pages, is here in part because she demonstrated a failure to understand one of the most basic tenets of the earth sciences: a rock is not the same thing as a mineral. You can describe rocks in terms of the minerals present and their texture, but you cannot assign to them the physical properties associated with minerals. That the post Mary McMahon dumped on WiseGEEK.com back in 2008 (when she called herself S. E. Smith) contains multiple repetitions of  the same error, however, does not surprise us. Mary has long since proven that her grasp of earth sciences is quite tenuous, and "What is Chalk?" (now at AllThingsNature.org) is one more example of her scientific ignorance.

Isinglass for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCXLVIII

muscovite sample

Whenever we hear the word "isinglass," we're transported back decades to when we first heard "Surrey with the fringe on top" from the musical Oklahoma. According to the lyrics, the surrey had "isinglass curtains you could roll right down / In case there's a change in the weather." Apparently someone wanted to know, "What Is Isinglass?" and googled it. WiseGEEK was right there to "answer" at their AllThingsNature.org niche, courtesy of multiple nominee Malcolm Tatum.

Stalactites for Dummies

stalactites

We love it </sarcasm> whenever we find liberal arts majors trying desperately to reword even slightly technical material they simply don't understand. We have the most fun when we catch them trying to reword something to avoid being nailed for plagiarism, and in the process creating an unintentional joke. Today's example comes from a multiple repeat offender, WiseGEEK.com's Mary McMahon (complete with a shiny new profile pic that looks nothing like her old one) and her somewhat bizarre approach to the question, "What are Stalactites?" at their AllThingsNature.org niche site.

Latite for Dummies

Not exactly "long ridges below the oceans," Andy

One of the staffers well remembers an acquaintance who claimed that his motto went something like, "Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do." Now you know why he was an acquaintance instead of a friend. Anyway, few habits of freelancing "creative writers" are more irritating to knowledgeable people than ham-fisted attempts to share knowledge the freelancers don't have, have never had, and probably never will have. One such BFA-holder is Andrew Kirmayer, who apparently decided to be the house earth science "expert" for WiseGEEK.com's niche site, AllThingsNature.org. If "What Is Latite?" is any clue, however, he shouldn't have...

Glaciers and Plucking for Dummies

Glacial plucking

Over the years the Antisocial Network Staffers have come to realize that it often takes only a sentence or two to recognize the freelancers babbling about topics they don't understand. The clue is often a blatant misstatement of facts, but not always. As an example of the concept, let's begin with the opening paragraph of today's nominee, a WiseGEEK.com post by Andrew Kirmayer entitled "What Is Glacial Plucking?" (now at niche site AllThingsNature.com).

Ocean Basins: the Dummy Version

ocean floor features

We've noticed on more than one occasion that certain freelancers can be counted on to pound out utter bullshit no matter what the topic. Why this is so, we don't know: do they actually think they're adding to the total knowledge of humanity? or are they just too greedy to stop bullshitting everyone whenever they sit down at the keyboard? The optimist says the former, the pessimist, the latter. Whichever it is, we have learned that when we want a slam-dunk nominee, all we need to is stop by WiseGEEK.com and look for something Karize Uy submitted; something like "What Is an Ocean Basin?" (now at niche site AllThingsNature.com).

Fjords for Suggestible Dummies

Hurtigruten Fjord, Norway

About the same time that their flagship website began attracting attention as a source of misinformation, the owners of eHow.com began demanding¹ that their "contributors" (as the freelancers were called) list references for the information they claimed to be passing along. Sadly, the competition did not; if they had, we might learn the source of some of the misconceptions that fill sites like WiseGEEK.com. You know, misconceptions such as those Mary McMahon included in her article, "What Is a Fjord?" (now at niche site AllThingNature.com).

Glaciation for the Dummy Geology Student

Extent of continental glaciation, eastern US

While most of our DotD winners barfed up their freelance dumbassery at a single site¹, a few spread their largesse over a larger area. Several can be found at both HubPages.com and the former eHow.com niches, but today's nominee is the first we've caught operating out of both eHow and WiseGreed... err, WiseGEEK. Here's our exposé of the scientifically incompetent Michael Smathers with his WiseGEEK-style answer to the question, "What Is Glaciation?" at AllThingsNature.com (a WiseGEEK niche site).

Carbonatite for the Dummy Geology Student (WiseGeek Week 4)

Considering how often people seem to make fun of geology and geologists (think Bert on "Big Bang Theory," or the introductory course everyone calls "Rocks for Jocks"), you might think that it's so simple even a child knows everything about it. You would, of course, be wrong: it's really not that simple... even if some "creative writing" graduate like Andrew Kirmayer thinks it is! Want proof? You need look no further than Kirmayer's WiseGeek.com post titled "What is Carbonatite?" (now at niche site AllThingsNature.com).