Repointing Masonry for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLXIII

repointing stone

Like many homeowners in the era of YouTube tutorials, our staffers often research DIY home repairs before deciding to call in a professional. Unlike many of their neighbors, the majority of the folks who write for the Antisocial Network aren't afraid to tackle simple- or intermediate-level projects – which leaves out roofing and remodeling an entire kitchen. One of them recently looked into repointing some brickwork and, is their wont, decided to check on the topic at the mother lode of misinformation, eHow.com. As expected, the topic had been discussed, and by a familiar name. Let's see whether HomeSteady.com writer G. K. Bayne knew what she was talking about in "How to Repoint a Stone Fireplace." Here's a hint: based on her three previous appearances, we rather doubted it...

Hunting Dinosaur Fossils for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLIX

Dinosaur fossil (Mesozioc, Wyoming)

One of the more irritating habits of the freelancers who plied their "trade" at eHow.com and its many niche sites was a pair of diametrically opposite tendencies: either they turned simple questions complex or they turned complex questions simple. Being ignorant of the answer is, at least to us, no excuse; for eHow it was just "minimum word count" plus "SEO" equals cash. Sadly, some of eHow's (now Leaf Group's) freelancers are still at it: witness marine biologist and small dog trainer Marina Somma attempting to answer the question, "In Which States Are Dinosaur Fossils Found?" for Sciencing.com (with her usual little help from biologist Sylvie Tremblay). It's a rewrite of a 2011 post by Craig Colin Smith...

Image Resolution for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLVII

Out of focus does not mean low-resolution

As the adage has long told us, "'Close' only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades." That's pretty much true everywhere and when it comes to imparting information, it's spot on. When you ask someone for a definition, you don't want "close": you want "correct." Although many of our nominees receive an award because their work is just plain rubbish, sometimes they get "close." Sadly, that still doesn't cut it. Such is the case of Nicolette Calhoun, who tried valiantly to transfer some technology in the OurPastimes.com post "What Is Considered a Low-Resolution Image?" Well, she got close... sort of.

Adding a New Tee in PVC Pipe for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXLVI

Fitting a slip tee

When it comes to the world of do-it-yourself home maintenance and repair, we long ago realized that amateurs rarely jump online to ask about the most basic tasks. We guess that's because complete amateurs don't tackle the simplest task; they hire someone to do it for them. It's when they have a little experience and have encountered something new that they start googling solutions to the problem at hand. That realization is why we think eHowian Steve Hamilton missed the point when he pounded out the SFGate.com post called, "How to Make a T in the Middle of PVC Plumbing."

Estimating Countertop Prices for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXLV

Sink cutouts in quartz countertops

We vaguely remember a college professor – it might have been in English Composition 101 – who opined that when someone responds to a query by saying, "That's a good question..." you aren't likely to get a good answer. That was, however, before people started verbing nouns and littering their language with "biz-speak." Whatever the case, we are firmly of the belief that when one is asked a question, one should a) give the best answer possible or b) admit to ignorance. Sadly, neither is the custom of some freelancers; especially those who are paid to "answer" questions for content farms. Take, for example, Leaf Group cleanup team member Rachelle Dragani and her attempt to tell people "How to Estimate the Cost of Quartz Countertops" for Hunker.com.

Sagging Shelves for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXLIV

sagging shelf

We've noticed – many, many times – that the less familiar our nominees are with their topic, the more likely they are to develop some sort of tunnel vision. To put it another way, if they don't know what they're talking about, they're likely to focus on a single solution to a problem to the exclusion of all other solutions or, for that matter, versions of the problem. Don't get it? Well, maybe you will after following Taylor Patrick through her HomeSteady.com post, "How to Stop Shelves From Sagging in the Middle."

Bicycle Storage for Dummies, Revisited - The Freelance Files MMCCXXXVIII

Is that an "S"? [hint: no]

On a semi-regular basis we have one of our interns check the titles we've called out in the past, looking for dead links (they're identified by bold red print in our sorted lists, such as by site). When one shows up, the intern usually searches for the same article title to see if the text has mysteriously migrated to another location. Just a few days ago, the intern found that the title "Is It Bad to Hang a Bicycle by Its Wheel?" – one already so poorly addressed by "Elle di Jensen" that it has disappeared – was also addressed by Charles Webb (sometimes known as Erin Webb?) for Leaf Group's LiveStrong.com site. Whatever Webb's real name, their chops as "website/marketing guru" or perhaps "BA in journalism" clearly did not include cycling experience.

Ignition Coils for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXXII

Remember that old (and oft rebooted) game show, "Name That Tune"? Sure you do: contestants would attempt to identify a popular song in fewer notes than their competitors (and variations on that theme). Well, our staffers like to play a similar game: identify a freelancin' dumbass in as few words as possible.  One of 'em got lucky with today's nominee, since it only took nine words for her to realize that Darla Ferrara had no idea what she was talking about when she tried to tell people "How to Test Coil Wire" for ItStillRuns.com. 

Car Canopy Instructions for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXXI

car canopy

We don't know about you, but to us it goes without saying that when someone asks you a question like, say, "How to Build a Car Canopy," the operative word in that question is "build." Are we right? The person asking that question doesn't want to know how to buy a ready-made canopy or assemble one from a kit, the person wants to know such important information as materials, measurements, and the steps in constructing such an edifice. That's us (and probably most people), but is isn't eHow.com's Kimberly Dyke. That much is evident from her post, which can now be found at HomeSteady.com.

Riding Mowers for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXX

rear-engine riding mower

If you were paying attention in the halcyon days of eHow.com, you're probably well aware that the site's reputation was one of incompetents barfing up misinformation about whatever topics they managed to capture from a vast library of questions harvested from the 'net. Clearly, it did not matter that the "contributor" knew as little as – if not less – about the topic than the person asking the question. It was always all about the cash. If you still need convincing. all you have to do is take a look at some of the site's surviving content... content like "How Does a Riding Lawn Mower Work?" at GardenGuides.com, as barfed up by creative writing major-slash-musician Isaiah David.

Triangular Tables for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCX

simple corner table

Another day, another clueless freelancer pretending to be an accomplished woodworker. As the Twitter hashtag says, #mustbeeHow... whatever the case, today's nomination accrues to yet another HomeSteady.com post bundled with such fine work as that of the previous DotD, Judi Light Hopson. Today's awardee is accounting grad-slash-hotel geek Dan Zisko, who foisted "How to Make a Triangular Corner Table" on the 'net in hopes of collecting a few bucks from eHow.com. Shame on him: it's pretty obvious he had no idea what he was talking about!

Reservoir Engineering for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXIII

Reservoir engineering workspace

Among the more... interesting... content-farm posts are those which purport to explain adulty jobs for kids on the cusp of choosing a life's work. Some descriptions are relatively easy – say cops, airplane pilots, nurses, firefighters – but others don't crop up in television shows or movies (except, perhaps, as villains), so the bright folks at WiseGEEK.com (and eHow.com) assigned their field hands to describe them. The problem, of course, is that the more technical the field, the less those J-school and English-Lit grads understand the job. Don't get it? Here's an example: D. Jeffress pretending to explain "What does a Reservoir Engineer do?" for PracticalAdultInsights.com (WiseGEEK's version of Leaf Group's CareerTrend.com).

Mercator Maps for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCIX

Not a Mercator Map

The younger staffers here at the Antisocial Network tend to be more visual than their older coworkers, probably because they came of age in an era marked by the proliferation of videos and millions of click-bait illustrations. We assume that has something to do with the reason why WiseGEEK.com appends the parenthetical notation "(with pictures)" to so many of their titles... such as "What is a Mercator Map? (with pictures)"  Unfortunately, when a  WiseGEEKian freelancer is ignorant of the topic, an ill-chosen image can be a dead giveaway. That's how a staffer caught up with Archana Khambekar for her post.

Shovels for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCVII

13 Different Shovels

It's always seemed to make good sense to us that when you want useful information about a topic, you get it from someone who already knows that information – not someone who has to look it up. If you ever doubted that, just ask your Google Home (or Alexa) a question that can't be answered with a simple fact and see what answer you get...  Whatever the case, we're pretty sure that, if you have ever wondered "What are the Best Tips for How to Shovel?" you might want to ask someone who... has used a shovel a time or two. That very likely does not include Jessica Ellis of WiseGEEK.com. Chances are pretty good that the theater graduate is more comfortable with... smaller tools. Like a pencil.

Bedrock Geology for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCVI

sample bedrock geology map

A not surprising number of the freelancers we feature in this forum have been nominated because they attempted to share information that, frankly, they didn't have before taking on their "assignment." True professionals – people who are on assignment for a reputable client – can spend weeks or even months researching their topics; but most of these hacks just go out and attempt to reword some website they don't even understand. This is, sadly, often true i the case of STEM topics when the writer has a liberal arts background... which is exactly the reason for today's nomination. Meet theater/screenwriting grad Jessica Ellis and her half-assed attempt to answer the question, "What is Bedrock Geology?" for WiseGEEK.com.

The Mandolin, By and For Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCIII

Mandolin

It helps to know a little bit about everything when you're in the business of exposing freelancer writers who've faked it. Truth be told, if you know a little about something, you can recognize bullshit statements made by someone who knows even less – and among our nominees, that "even less" too often translates to "zero." We're lucky that our staffers combined have a wide range of knowledge about many subjects, including a few who have musical training and even play an instrument. None of them plays the mandolin, but that didn't stop them from recognizing the musical illiteracy of WiseGEEK.com contributor S. Mithra, on display for the world to see in "What is a Mandolin?"¹

A Dummy Explains Gypsum for Ponds - The Freelance Files MMCXCIX

Gypsum for clarifying water

Few of our nominations are for a more pathetic example of freelancing that those in which someone provides an uneducated answer to a truly stupid question. We see those every once in a while, however, and we're more than happy to share them with our readers so that you can ridicule the authors yourself. So, without further ado, let's take a look at "Putting Sheetrock in a Pond to Seal It," now appearing at Leaf Group's HomeSteady.com courtesy of self-styled business guru and sometime insurance agent Charmayne Smith.

Built-In Cabinets for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCLVII

Built-in cabinets

Among the more irritating tricks of the eHow.com contributors' trade was and remains the practice of ignoring the meaning of a question to make it easier for an ignorant freelancer to answer. That was, unfortunately, easy to get away with because the "content editors" who supposedly fact-checked posts typically  knew even less about the topics in question than the person writing the content. Today's nominee is one such contributor, a returnee by the name of Mark Morris. Morris decided that the "professional carpentry experience" he claimed allowed him to tell people "How to Use Stock Cabinets for Built-Ins" for HomeSteady.com. It apparently didn't...

Chalk for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCLV

Modern coccolithophore

Today's nominee, making another of her frequent visits to these pages, is here in part because she demonstrated a failure to understand one of the most basic tenets of the earth sciences: a rock is not the same thing as a mineral. You can describe rocks in terms of the minerals present and their texture, but you cannot assign to them the physical properties associated with minerals. That the post Mary McMahon dumped on WiseGEEK.com back in 2008 (when she called herself S. E. Smith) contains multiple repetitions of  the same error, however, does not surprise us. Mary has long since proven that her grasp of earth sciences is quite tenuous, and "What is Chalk?" (now at AllThingsNature.org) is one more example of her scientific ignorance.

A DIY Skateboard Ramp for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCXLI

It really chaps the collective hiney of our staffers to come across a freelance post in which someone with no experience or knowledge of a project pretends to provide instructions by rewording some tangentially related general reference. That is, however, exactly what today's nominee did, collecting her fifteen-buck stipend from the idiots at Demand Media for a post that is essentially useless. Let's give a warm (not) welcome to J-school grad Tracy Morris, back for her second award, for the SportsRec.com post, "How to Build a Concrete Skate Ramp."