Methane for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXII

Methane molecule

Believe it or not, there was once a television show called "Kids Say the Darnedest Things." That was, of course, before seven-year-olds had their own TikTok feeds and broadcast their darnedest things for their own darned selves. Be that as it may, we're not here to talk about kids: today, at least, we're here to make fun of liberal arts grads who try to explain science online. It didn't take a whole lot of searching to find the dumbassery in "Uses of Methane Natural Gas," which eHowian Christina Hadley barfed up onto eHow and Leaf Group sent to their niche site Sciencing.com.

Helium Production for Dummies

Helium

We here at the Antisocial Network are firm believers in the idea that people shouldn't be allowed to remain ignorant when the remedy is readily available (and painless). In other words, when someone makes a stupid mistake, we have no objection to correcting them: it's to their benefit, after all. So if someone were to ask us, "How Is Helium Mined?" we would gently point out that helium isn't mined, because it's a gaseous element. Then we'd tell them how helium is recovered, produced, or extracted – whatever verb you prefer. We'd probably do a better job than Aminah Paden did for Sciencing.com, though... (weird: Leaf Group has stripped off her byline...)

Iron for Dummies

Iron smelter

It's been a long, long time since the last time we exposed a freelancer toiling away at the now essentially moribund content farm InfoBarrel.com; but we recently happened upon some garbage content published courtesy of one of the site's owners, Kevin Hinton. Apparently Hinton's education in business and computer science was somewhat light on hard science, especially chemistry, which may explain why he included a number of boo-boos in the post he titled "Interesting Facts About Iron (Fe)."¹

Henry's Law for Dummy Chemists

Henry's Law

There's a type of comedy (if you want to call it comedy) that calls for embarrassing the heck out of people and then laughing at them. It works even better if you can get them to embarrass themselves... not unlike the self-flagellation that so many J-school grads carry out when they try to translate science-y stuff into something the hoi polloi can comprehend. If you need an example, we have one for you: check out how Karize Uy tried to answer the question, "What Is Henry's Law?" for WiseGEEK.com.

Before we go any farther, here's what Henry's law actually says:

Breaking Down Oil for Dummy Environmentalists

surfactants and oil

Every time you reach for the bottle (or box) of laundry detergent, you're hoping that the chemicals in the mixture will break down natural oils. You don't have to have spilled motor oil (or vegetable oil) on your shirt; your skin oils are just as capable of generating a stain and holding onto a little grime. The chemists who concocted your detergent already know "What Chemicals Break Down Oil?" If anyone doesn't, though, they're not going to get much help from the Sciencing.com post by Mark Fitzpatrick.

Borax Powder for Chemistry Dummies

Borax crystals

We've noticed as we check our DotD awards for dead links that the people at Leaf Group have assembled a "cleanup team" to rewrite some of the more obviously useless content in their niches. So far, most of the updates we've found have been posted at Sciencing.com. For some reason, though, Leaf is using J-school grads to apply a little shine to articles written by other J-school grads... like the buff-up Rachelle Dragani performed in the Sciencing post, "How to Make Borax Powder."

Crystal Growth for Dummies

No light here, Megan...

One of the Antisocial Network staffers once spent a tortured semester as a fifth-grade teacher. We've seen her pull out those teaching tricks many a time, and one of our favorites is what she calls the reasonableness test. Take, for instance a barista making change: if you give him a twenty for your low-fat soy-milk mocha-latte and he gives back two tens in your change, he should realize something isn't reasonable. The same should have applied to eHowian Megan Shoop (and her content editor) when attempting to explain "The Best Growing Conditions for Crystals" at Sciencing.com.

Bottled Water for Health-Nut Dummies

Different brands of bottled water bottles

If there's anything that rubs our in-house scientists the wrong way, it has to be bloggers who spread health-related rumors on the 'net in hopes of lining their pockets. You know the ones: today they're touting diet X₂₃, but their posts from six months ago were all about how diet Y₉ has helped them lose six thousand pounds in twenty minutes. Unfortunately, Demand Media gave some of them a forum for spreading their misinformation in return for small chunks of cash; that's where eHowian Megan Clancy tried to tell people "What Is the Healthiest Bottled Water?" (now¹ found at AzCentral.com).

Isotopes for Chemistry Dummies

The three isotopes of hydrogen

Readers might be surprised – then again, they might not – at the number of times our research staffers run across complete and utter bull while wandering cyberspace in search of DotD candidates. The sad fact is that there are so many of them out there, it's hard to keep track of the most idiotic rubbish we've run across... but a few months ago, we happened on a Sciencing.com post that we thought deserved the Dumbass of the Year post. Well, that same author is back again: witness Ezmeralda Lee and her phractured fysics in "Who Discovered the Isotope?" Trust us: your notion of nuclear chemistry will be changed forever.

Coefficients and Subscripts for Chemistry Dummies

Coefficients and subscripts in a formula

Anyone out there remember The Car Guys? Tom and Ray Magliozzi? For a couple of decades, the Boston-based brothers had a weekly talk show on public radio called "Car Talk." The two (both of whom had BS degrees from M.I.T.) often poked fun at art history majors... and guess what? Today's DotD candidate actually has a PhD in art history (or so she claims: it's eHow.com, so who knows?)! We kinda wondered, though, just what Teresa J. Siskin was doing attempting to explain the "Difference Between a Coefficient and a Subscript" at Sciencing.com.

Vinegar and pH for Dummies

Acetic acid, found in vinegar

Another day, another scientifically illiterate liberal arts graduate... or, perhaps in this case, someone who just didn't quite get what the OQ was asking. Today, we'll visit Leaf Group's Hunker.com, where longtime eHowian Janet Beal will address the topic of "How to Adjust the pH of Water with Vinegar." What the reader ends up with is a half-baked answer that definitely doesn't rise to the level of "sciencing" (whatever that is...).

Unfortunately, in transferring the post from its original home at eHow, Leaf Group lopped off Beal's references, so we can't see where she came up with the moronic definition of pH within her introduction:

Endothermic Reactions for Dummies

Chemicals in an Instant Ice Pack

We seem to be on some sort of roll... two days ago, the DotD qualified because his answer met only a specific instance of a broad question; while yesterday she answered the wrong question (and probably got the answer wrong). That leads us to today's candidate, Shelly Schumacher: writing at Leaf.tv in, of all places, "cocktails," Shelly gave the world her take on "How to Make Ice Without a Refrigerator."¹ Since the topic's already in the wrong place, it comes as no surprise that the journalism grad's answer is equally inappropriate...

Rock Salt for Dummies

halite (rock salt) crystals

Today's a sort of "back-to-basics" day, one in which our Antisocial Network staffers bully greedy freelancers for faking knowledge and misinforming the public, all just to grab a few dollars at a content farm. Today, we'll make fun of yet another J-school graduate attempting to explain simple science, and doing a lousy job of it. She's kiwi Alice Hudson, who displayed a less-than-charmingly vague relationship to science in "The Properties of Rock Salt" for Leaf.tv. We assume it was originally posted on eHow, but who knows? Whatever the case, it now lives at Sciencing.com, where it fits right in...

Hudson gets most of the basics right – after all, how hard is it to just reword some website where the authors know what they're talking about? Isn't that what they teach people to do in journalism school these days? However, we did notice that Alice had a few little problems with her copy-reword-paste job. Here are some of her misstatements:

Salinity and Salt Solution, the Dummy Version

Salt Dissolved in Water

One of our researchers claims that the quickest way to find an eHow.com freelancer spreading dumbassery is simply to google variations of the words "communications major" for the site. She may well be right, although substituting the word "journalism" for "communications" would probably be just as effective. Whatever the case, the example she provided is a Texan named Natalie Andrews, who unwisely left her travel and decorating safe zones while attempting to explain to the world "How Much Water Is Needed to Dissolve Salt," currently decorating Leaf Group's niche site Sciencing.com...

As is typical of eHow.com drones trapped by the site's minimum word count, Andrews answered the question... sort of... in the first hundred words or so; then got herself in trouble with some of the factoids she used for padding. Natalie's original answer?

Melting Points for Dummies

Heat, latent heat, and melting point

It doesn't take long before any new member of the Antisocial Network research staff figures out that a lot of the misinformation floating around the internet was put there by people who were more interested in money than accuracy. Take, for instance, the entire family of Demand Media websites: take them, please! Much of the rubbish presented by eHow.com contributors arises from their lack of familiarity with their topic, particularly liberal arts grads faced with science topics: liberal arts grads like PolySci type Tom Lutzenberger, attempting to explain the scientific basis of "What Forces Must Be Overcome for a Substance to Melt?"¹ Tom's skills at misinformation have already earned him six DotD awards...

pH Calculation for Dummies

If life gives you lemons,
you have citric acid

As our Antisocial Network research staffers fan out across the internet in search of dumbass freelancers, it gets harder every day as more and more content farms disappear: EliteVisitors, PersonaPaper, WritEdge, DailyTwoCents, and Bubblews have all bitten the dust since we started this blog, and Suite.io was "re-deployed" for more than a year before disappearing. Good old eHow.com, however, is still kicking. Although they've moved a lot of their content to "niche" sites, we can still count on finding people blathering about subjects in which they have no background over at former eHow.com sites like Sciencing.com. That's where we ran into George Lawrence, proud holder of BAs in English and Criminal Justice and – gasp – a JD, who nonetheless knows jack about chemistry. He proved that when he pretended to explain "How to Calculate the pH of Lemon Juice."

Mixing Oil with Water for Dummies

Oil and Water in an Emulsion

Like just about everyone else on Earth, our staff here at the Antisocial Network are familiar with the phrase "like oil and water." The phrase denotes two people, concepts, etc. that (supposedly) simply don't mix. Of course, having taken an elementary chemistry course or two (required of them, English or Journalism degree or not), our researchers are familiar with the concept of an emulsion – a mixture of oil and water (or any two immiscible liquids, for that matter). While attempting to teach about emulsions without not actually using the word, eHow.com's Kelly Sundstrom (BA in Music...) got herself into trouble with the post "How to Mix Water With Oil."

Elementary Chemistry for Dummies

Baking soda mixed with lemon juice

Much of the most conspicuous dumbassery discovered by the Antisocial Network's researchers as they troll the internet lies at the feet of the website we call the mother lode of all dumbassery, eHow.com. After the site took a serious¹ hit in Google's Panda update, the owners (Demand Media) split up the website and created "titles," as they call them, in numerous subgenres across multiple websites (Livestrong, SFGate, Synonym, etc.). The contributors, however, stayed pretty much the same; as did (apparently) their vaunted content editors – not to mention the morons, whoever or whatever they are, who created the titles. That's how a documented scientific illiterate like Jonae Fredericks ended up writing about chemistry – yes, chemistry! – for a Demand Media niche site called ModernMom.com (now at OurEverydayLife.com after brief tenure at TheBump.com). The results? A bit of classic dumbassery the people at DMS titled "What Happens When You Mix Lemon Juice With Baking Soda?"

Titrating Solutions for the Dummy Chemist

Titration stand setup

So, readers, what do you think would happen when one of the bazillions of money-hungry freelancers out there happens to run into an assignment he or she doesn't understand? An assignment for which he or she has no background at all? If you guessed "run with it anyway," then you've hit upon the reason why it's rarely a problem for one of our researchers to dig up another of the Antisocial Network's Dumbass of the Day nominees (trust us, they have hundreds more still waiting in the wings). Yep, people who know nothing will type the topic title into their search engines (we hope using quotation marks) and then reword the first hit in the list. At least we suspect that's what happened to eHow.com's Jack Ori (him again!) who set aside his "coaching" duties just long enough to make a mess out of "Titration Explained" at Sciencing.com.

Basic Chemistry for Dummies

Periodic Table as Ring

It may seem as though we at the Antisocial Network concentrate our research on how-to articles, and that might be a fair assessment. Whether that's a cause or an effect of the frequency with which we mine the mother lode of dumbassery at eHow.com is debatable, like the chicken and egg question. In reality, we find our nominees everywhere: it's just that they're easier to find at eHow! Today, however, we head over to another primary source, HubPages.com, where we found one of our champions, 15-time winner of our signature award, holding forth on a topic about which she clearly knows nothing. It's the one and only Joan Whetzel, who today we find misinforming her readership about "The Elements of Earth's Crust."