Whisky for Uninitiated Dummies

Indian single malt whisky

We've heard it said that few comestibles are more tightly controlled than Scotch Whisky, which is just fine by us – especially when it comes to Islay single malts that are old enough to vote. That's why it was with some trepidation that we read a post at WiseGEEK.com that allegedly answered the question, "What Is Malt Scotch Whiskey?" The answer, and we use that word loosely, was pounded out by serial DotD Malcolm Tatum; and our staff Scotch drinkers decided he deserved another award on the basis of a glaring error (or two)...

Weight Loss for Dummies

It's been a while since we came across the ridiculous prose that marks spun content but, then again, it's been a while since anyone here donned a metaphorical clothespin on the nose and took a look at Seekyt.com. Someone did, however, by plugging subduction site:seekyt.com into Google. Lo and behold, however, the one result had nothing to do with plate tectonics. Instead, it was "How to use meal replacement for Weight Loss," "written" – actually, cut-and-pasted from an internet spinning site – by "General Contributor" (the only author at Seekyt now); although the Wayback Machine says it was posted in 2015 or so by someone using the handle kenreVyes (sometimes known as Ken Reyes). The post, like all posts remaining on Seekyt, is now credited to "General Contributor."

Vegetables for Dummies

Ummm, Puty? some of
those are fruits

We don't stop by WritEdge.com very often, probably because the pages of the site are so plastered with advertising, popups, and pop-unders that it might as well be a porn site (or so we're told...). When checking old posts not long ago, however, we ran across an admirably dumbass post by one putyliz that put us in mind of the WritEdgians. We checked on Liz (real name perhaps Purity Wamalwa), and found her worthy of another award. This time, it's for "Facts on Vegetables you need to Know."¹

Salt and Pepper Shakers for Dummies

Salt (right) and Pepper (left) Shakers

For unknown reasons, some of the most bizarre entries into the DotD sweepstakes seem to some when self-appointed freelancers attempt to provide answers to the simplest, most prosaic questions. In the case of Demand Media¹ properties, perhaps the most common reason for the weirdness of the prose are the site's hard-wired style and minimum word requirement. Today's nominee, Damarious Page, not only ran afoul of those structural problems, he also found other ways to qualify for the award – especially in the likes of "How to Identify Salt & Pepper Shakers" at eHow.com.

Opening Wine Bottles for Dummies

Cutting the capsule on a wine bottle

Perhaps the most common reason for the freelance dumbassery that our staffers run across is the writers' failure to understand a question they're supposed to be answering. Although we can understand unfamiliarity with high-energy physics (though without knowledge, why would you write...), but unfamiliarity with common, everyday tasks is more difficult to explain – though we suspect it's just garden-variety stupidity. Submitted for your consideration today is Charlotte Johnson as she fumbles her way through "How to Open a Plastic Wine Bottle Cap" for Leaf.tv (formerly eHow.com).