Topography for Dummies

Topographic rendering of Martian dunes

A surprising number ... well, maybe not so surprising... of the nominees for DotD trip themselves up in the first sentence or two of their content. Whether it's utter bullshit or merely simple misinterpretation, though, defining the topic incorrectly is tantamount to volunteering to be excoriated for ignorance. A bogus definition, for what little it's worth, is exactly what returning DotD Nicole Schmoll attempted to foist of on the readers of "How to Explain Topography"¹ at Sciencing.com.

Magnetic Declination Correction, the Dummy Version

setting magnetic declination

Over the years, we've noticed that more than a few freelancers are a little hazy on the basics of using maps and compasses. The concept of map projections and the resulting coordinates is a total black box for most of them, and the worst of them can't even understand directions... the worst, like eHowian Jeremiah Blanchard. The former art and history student shared his ignorance in the GoneOutdoors.com post, "How to Calibrate a Magnetic Compass."

Coordinate Conversions for Dummies

Map projections

It's out considered opinion that, if you don't know jack about how to do something, you probably shouldn't be writing a set of instructions for doing that thing. That's our opinion, a belief that clearly was not shared by the founders of and contributors to the website formerly known as eHow.com.¹ Hundreds of self-appointed "professional freelancers" pounded out tens of thousands of ignorant and sometimes downright dangerous posts. Today's DotD nominee falls on the ignorant end of that spectrum: meet Rose Kerr, who penned "How to Convert XY Coordinates to Longitude and Latitude" for Sciencing.com. Huh.

Section Lines for Dummies

Public Lands Survey System (Jeffersonian)

Different members of the research staff at the Antisocial Network approach their search for DotD in different ways. Some find likely candidates and track them across the internet to wherever they drop their stink bombs of information. Others choose a random topic and see where it takes them. That last is how one of them turned up Alexis W.¹ at WiseGEEK.com: she just followed the helpful links at the bottom of the page until she found something stupid: "What is a Section Line?" (now at AboutMechanics.com for no known reason).

Natural Resources in New York, the Dummy Version

New York Oil and Gas Wells

It probably comes as no surprise that our staffers aren't terribly fond of creative writing degrees. Oh, they're fine if one is writing poetry or fiction, but let's get real: getting creative with the facts is the job of a politician, not of a journalist. Unfortunately, we see lots of creative approaches to factual data in the Leaf Group niches, like today's DotD nominee. Check out the Sciencing.com post, "List of Natural Resources in New York State" that Marilla Mulwane posted.

Latitude, Longitude, and Address... the Dummy Comparison

It's sad, but true, that a great many people out there writing for pennies have abso-lute-ly no idea what they're talking about (not unlike many a political commentator). We catch these faking freelancers making some of the most bizarre misstatements and misconceptions, which certainly makes it hard to believe anything else in that particular snippet of content. Take, for instance, eHow.com's Matt McGew, whom we caught attempting to tell people unlucky enough to read GoneOutdoors.com "How to Find Addresses Using Latitude Longitude."¹

Latitude and Longitude for Dummy Grade-Schoolers

Latitude-longitude grid  

According to the old saying, half a loaf is better than none. We agree that, if you're hungry, half a loaf is indeed better than none – unless you're hungry for knowledge or information, because in that case half an answer just leaves you with more questions. At least we think so... which makes us wonder whether "veteran home-school educator" Kathryn Hatter would feel that her students were well-served with the half-answer she offered in her Sciencing.com post, "How to Understand Latitude and Longitude."

Map Distances for Dummies

distance measurement with gmap-pedometer.com

If there's one thing our research team has learned over the past couple of years, it's that many of the self-appointed freelance writers in the Demand Media¹ family are quite willing to say truly stupid things to get their payout. One symptom is the amount of padding many contributors found necessary to meet the company's minimum word count for topics that could be addressed in a single sentence. Take Trails.com writer David Chandler and his opus "How to Calculate Travel Distances Between Cities."²

GPS Coordinates for Dummies

GPS coordinates in latitude-longitude

Just yesterday we handed out one of our DotD awards to someone for giving a very specific answer to a quite general question. Today's candidate for the award is someone who also provides a very specific answer to a question: it's just that she answered the wrong question (we note with interest that both freelance posts are at Sciencing.com...). The self-appointed "expert" in this case is one Pearl Lewis, PhD, and her topic is "How to Convert GPS Coordinates to Feet."

Map Coordinates for Dummies

Different map projections

One of the founders of the Antisocial Network spent many years working with mapping software, which is completely dependent on location data provided in map coordinates. That's probably why he's always giving the staff links to botched map information at the DotD award meetings. Today he gets his wish, as we feature Scott Thompson of Sciencing.com (again) for the inane post, "How do Map Coordinates Work."¹

Thompson, as is so often the case with people unfamiliar with maps, informs his readers that there are two kinds of map coordinates:

Degrees and Meters for Geography Dummies

great circle path

From time to time the Antisocial Network research staffers come across content that supposedly addresses questions that, to be honest, are damned near unanswerable (most commonly at eHow or some other member of the Leaf Group of niches). Sometimes it's because of the wording, but it's usually because of a lack of context. Take, for instance, a question about "How to Convert Distances from Degrees to Meters"¹: we suppose that might be a badly-worded question about the length of an arc, among other queries. Sciencing.com contributor Emile Heskey (back when he was using the name Andy Williamson) decided it had something to do with latitude and longitude on the Earth. Hmmm... maybe not...

Map Coordinates and Lat/Long for Dummies (Again!)

map projection comparison

Considering how important maps are to anyone who doesn't want to get lost, you might think that the average person with even the slightest technical knowledge would have a good handle on them. You'd be wrong, though. Take, for instance, computer scientist Riz Khan of Leaf Group and Sciencing.com (the niche site for pseudoscience originally published at eHow): Riz was most certainly out of his depth when he penned "How to Convert Northing/Easting Coordinates to Latitude/Longitude."¹

Khan, given his degree in "computer information systems," decided that the appropriate answer would be to send people to a website. For starters, Riz told them that

Maps, Grids, and Coordinates, the Dummy Version

Reading map grid coordinates

One of the Antisocial Network founders worked for many years making maps. By his count, he's probably pumped out several hundred thousand (maybe a million!) big sheets of paper and/or digital representations of the earth, both its surface and subsurface features. Along the way he learned quite a bit about map projections and coordinate systems. To be blunt, he says he forgets a helluva lot more about those subjects in a single day than Sciencing.com's Tasos Vossos ever knew. Should you need any proof of Vossos' unfamiliarity with the topic, look no further than "How to Convert Map Grid Coordinates to Latitude and Longitude"

Calculating Runoff for Dummies

surface runoff types

To misquote Lewis Carroll, "Oh frabjous day!" We discovered a new Leaf Group¹ niche site where lots of the Antisocial Network's old friends ply their trade. It's called Sciencing.com, and our very first DotD candidate is repeat offender Jack Ori (sometimes known as Stephanie Silberstein), whom we found pretending to know "How to Calculate Surface Runoff."² Although Sciencing's version is supposedly copyright 2017, the Wayback machine at archive.org has a version of the post at eHow.com dating back to at least 2013. Oops...

Map Coordinates for Dummies

Map coordinates

Unfortunately, we haven't kept track of how many truly dumbass posts we've come across that deal with reading, making and interpreting maps. We obviously haven't been sufficiently granular in our topic descriptions (Note to intern: get on that! [Intern's reply: Done!]). Unfortunately, maps appear to be as big a black box to the average "communications" or journalism graduate as the household electrical system. Well, at least to eHow.com's Chad Buleen (aka Chuck Buleen), whom we caught explaining "How to Get Map Coordinates"¹ – at least to the best of his limited knowledge.

Measuring Elevation for Dummies

surveyors without a GPS

When it comes to lousy answers to simple questions, we here at the Antisocial Network always turn to our friends at the mother lode of misinformation, eHow.com. You can almost always find an answer that's wrong for one reason or another by visiting a Demand Media niche site, and today's no exception. Returning DotD Nicole Schmoll is here to both under- and over-explain an interesting topic, "How Is Land Elevation Measured?" for CareerTrend.com.

Topography and Elevation for Dummies

GPS showing elevation
on screen

One of the hallmarks of the self-appointed freelance journalists on the internet is an inability to see the direct route from question to answer; an inability that pretty much permeates eHow.com (yes, them again). The reason may be that in the DMS¹ world, the writer must pad simple answers out to meet the minimum word count. It may also be that the writers themselves simply have no idea what the answer should be. We think the latter is the case for Kurt Schanaman in his post "How to Find Land Elevation"² (now moved to the website ItStillWorks.com, even though it never did), though the minimum word count thing probably didn't help.

Why someone might want to know elevation is unknowable, but Schanaman gives it a go:

What a Relief! Topography for Dummies

Topography and Relief

If scientific illiteracy weren't so disturbing, the science types here at the Antisocial Network would find hilarity in the way some liberal arts majors turned freelancers flail about when faced with a technical question. Unfortunately, the dross they've published on the internet gets mixed in with more accurate information, which is at best confusing to people seeking information and at worst dangerous. Today's example, fortunately, is from the confusing end of the spectrum: English major (BA, MFA) Enrica Jang tackled the simple question, "How Are Relief and Topography Related?"¹ and ended up writing a truly pitiful post at eHow.com...

Finding True North for Dummies

Magnetic declination map of North America (2005)

We've heard it said (on many occasions) that "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing." OK, well, maybe not many occasions – except around the conference table at the Antisocial Network's weekly staff meeting. In the real world, a lack of knowledge is a dangerous thing, especially when one is pretending familiarity with the subject at hand. That's pretty much what's nailed all Dumbass of the Day winners so far. Today's candidate is a noob to our site, a onetime theater major by the name of Mark Keller.  We caught Mark as he was holding forth on geography in "How to Determine True North,"¹ now appearing at some Leaf Group niche called GoneOutdoors.com. Really...

Tell Us about Landforms, Dummies!

Landforms, Rose, landforms!

Somewhere about the sixth or seventh grade you probably had a science class that taught you all you (thought) you'd ever need to know about geography. Never mind that in one semester or one year, for maybe three or four hours a week; you talked about physical geography, cultural geography, and probably touched on just about every other kind of geography there is. Very likely one of your tests involved memorizing state capitals... If you're like Classroom.com's Rose Guastella, that's probably about where your geography study ended - which is why the liberal arts major had no business pretending to answer the question, "What Are the Five Landform Regions that Make Up the United States?" It's also probably why she did such a lousy job...